In Which I Try Not To Get Angry

This news post filled my Facebook feed yesterday. (Click here).

And made me ANGRY!

Some complete jackass scams his co-workers out of their sick leave by faking cancer.

Okay, there are stories all the time about people who fake cancer. For the attention, the sympathy, the money, I'm not sure what their mental issue is (and clearly they have many), but it always gets me riled up. Even the gal that's been stealing my blog posts and passing them off as her own is apparently faking having cancer and using my words to tell people how "she's" feeling.

Seriously folks, if you want attention, you can have my cancer. Feel free...even for a day. I dare you. 

But this story touched a nerve. And made me especially angry. Because I don't know where I'd be without a shared sick leave option.

I was SO blessed to have amazing coworkers who donated sick leave so that I could stay home throughout treatments, concentrate on getting healthy, and not have to worry about getting a paycheck or losing my insurance. These amazing people made it possible for me to stay home for the equivalent of one entire school year (split up over two years). One of these amazing people simply told me, "however much you need, it's yours. Don't even hesitate to ask." I cry every time I think of the generosity of this man, and all those that were so willing to donate sick leave to me. Large amounts or small, it didn't even matter (in fact, the district would never tell me who donated what, so they were really doing it simply out of the goodness of their heart, not to get recognition).

Because, when you get sick, there's a lot of people that want to help but they don't really know what to do. And if they have sick leave they can donate, it feels like a tangible, concrete action that they can make...to show support, to contribute to the cause, to relieve even a small amount of stress. It's no small thing that they do. I mean, what if, god forbid, they get sick and need that leave some day? 

I will never be able to repay these people for the gift that they gave me. I strongly believe that being able to stay home and not stress about rushing back to work contributed to the success of my recovery. I could never say "thank you" enough for what they did.
And then you have this jackass who takes advantage of people who are so willing to help. GRRRR! 

I sure hope you get what's coming to you dude. You suck.

Friday Five

So, I haven't been blogging for a few weeks. Mainly because life has SUCKED and I haven't been in the mood. 

TOO. MUCH. DRAMA.

Too many stupid people who just don't get it.

I'm over it all.

But, I thought that I would offer up some insight into my week.

1. Yes, I feel the need to create a drama-free zone, maybe make posters and signs, maybe electronic fencing to keep the stupid at bay. My job/boss/district are just not the healthiest place to be right now. But after this week I've decided that I'm just over it. I'm not getting sucked into the arguments. Time to find a solution without drama or stress.

2. Tamoxifen is making me crazy. No really, I think it is. CRAZY. And it's probably bad that I haven't taken it in a week, right? I know, I KNOW. But I feel slightly more normal without it. And I dread the fact that I really need to start taking it again because it really is helping keep the cancer at bay. But sometimes, in my crazy brain, I do go over the pros and cons of taking it...and sometimes the cons make more sense.

3. I had to schedule my follow-up appointments/scans/blood work this week (for April). Yikes. It's exciting to think that I haven't been into the doctor (except for physical therapy) since December. But it's also scary to wonder, "what if?" This is something that you really never get off your mind after you've been through treatments. What if...
...the scans aren't clean?
...something is wrong?
...the cancer has come back?
There's always that worry that lives in the back of your mind. And it never really goes away. And you hate talking about it because to give it a voice might make it real. It's a constant fear of the unknown.

3a. So, in attempting to schedule these scans, I had an interesting encounter with the secretary who didn't want to make the appointment for me because I "just had a scan a few months ago, and we typically only do these scans once/year so you should be fine until November." Ummmm, NO. That's not actually how it works. Did you see the orders my doctor faxed over requesting this scan? You know, that paperwork sitting right in front of you? Did you become a cancer specialist since the last time I was in that you're giving me medical advice now? Deep. Breath.

4. I wore my "Survivor" t-shirt this week. Even though I feel like I'm jinxing everything by doing so. Damn it, I deserve to wear it. At the very least, I survived the last year and a half of hell and I should get to wear my cool t-shirt! Stupid Cancer!

5. I am desperate to get out of the house. No, not get out and see the world (though I'd like to do that also), actually out of this house...permanently. It actually bothers me to be living in this house where I spent so much time being sick. There are days I don't want to come home, and days I consider running away. I just want to sell it and everything in it...now. And even as much as I love our neighborhood and our amazing neighbors, I can't keep living here and stay sane. Must do something about this soon.

There you have it...not my finest week.

Going for a much more enjoyable week next week...fingers crossed!

In Other News, I Went Back to Work...

...like an idiot.

Seriously, my brain is clearly not functioning properly when I thought that I could actually do this.

I went back to work on Wednesday and worked the remaining 3 days of the week. And then came home and died. And then today I died a little more. 

I told myself that I'd give it 5 full work days and then re-evaluate. Let me just say that after 2 hours, I knew it was a bad idea, but I will give it 5 full days before confirming my initial thoughts...which is that I'm an idiot.

What was fun:
Nothing.

Just kidding. 

It was great to see everyone. Or at least everyone that has made their way down to the library to say hello. I have not been venturing too far into the germ-infested building. (I did get a giant goody bag of supplies to keep away germs...so perfect!!!) Plus, I might walk too far and then die and not be able to get back to my desk. 

Talking to the kids about books has been fun. I've seen two-thirds of the school this week in the library and had fun talking about good books they might like. Plus, added bonus: giving a lesson to all in keeping one's germs to oneself. Seriously folks, middle school kids carry the plague, I'm sure of it. I'm working on getting spray-misters installed above the door so that they are showered with hand sanitizer every time they walk in the room. There has to be a way for this to work!

What was not fun:
All the things I've realized that I can't do anymore: stand up for any length of time; sit or stand in one position for very long; pick up just about anything; lift my arms above my shoulders; remember anything; and the list goes on and on.

SO. VERY. TIRED. Seriously. I wanted to die. It's possible that I did for a little bit today. I cannot imagine making it 5 days in a row ever again. (I'm beginning to be a little grateful for all these doctor's appointments that are going to break up the month).

I am in way more pain than I have been for awhile. While I expected the tired part (because, let's be honest, when haven't I been tired this past year?!), I'm not sure where this pain is coming from. And it hurts to move...all over...ugh.

I used to joke that I loved my job so much that they would have to throw me out of the building when I got old and they were tired of me. Yeah, that's not gonna be the case any more. I might love my job, and I might even be pretty good at it, but you know what? Entirely new outlook on life now. So many other things on the top of the list.

Back to Work...Otherwise Known as Stupid Ideas that I've Had

Since I didn't really have anything going on until Friday (when I have yet another surgery...stay tuned for details), I decided to go back to work this week. I was thinking it would be good to actually get out of the house, get some things done, see some friends, and continue pretending to be normal for just a little while longer. Well, that and try to salvage a sick day or two where I can.

Clearly I am on crack! What was I thinking?! :)

First, don't get me wrong, it is great to see all my Evergreen family and be back in the building. However, it has made me realize it's time to stop pretending I'm normal. (Let me take that back...I'm not actually normal anyway. I am slightly crazy on a good day, so maybe normal isn't the word to be using. Let's go with healthy). 

The school day starts WAY too early. Now, this is not new information to me. I didn't like getting up at 6:30am on a good day, but I really don't like it now. I am tired all the time, and was starting to notice this need for naps while in Vegas last week. I have unfortunately gotten used to a weird sleep schedule that involves lots of naps during the day and not sleeping much at night. Yeah, that might have something to do with it. Going to bed at 2am and getting up at 5:45am to wake up the teenager isn't really helping either. Standing on my feet all day, being nice to middle schoolers, dealing with the craziness that is the day to day life of anyone who works in a school...it's exhausting!

Two days down, two days to go this week...I think I can, I think I can, I think I can. Or, as Dory says, "Just keep swimming."

Cupcakes Cure What Ails You!

October 24, 2012:

Today, my daughter made cupcakes and cake for the teachers/staff at my school. She said that she had to do it to thank them for "giving you their sick time so you can get better." It kind of makes me tear up thinking about it. Baking is her way of dealing with anything, because let's be honest, cupcakes cure all of life's problems! Especially when they're made with Nutella buttercream frosting!




Update:

And this is the Thank You note I found when going to retrieve the platter. Bonus points to the anonymous staff member that did this! You are going to MAKE HER WEEK!