In Which I Try Not To Get Angry

This news post filled my Facebook feed yesterday. (Click here).

And made me ANGRY!

Some complete jackass scams his co-workers out of their sick leave by faking cancer.

Okay, there are stories all the time about people who fake cancer. For the attention, the sympathy, the money, I'm not sure what their mental issue is (and clearly they have many), but it always gets me riled up. Even the gal that's been stealing my blog posts and passing them off as her own is apparently faking having cancer and using my words to tell people how "she's" feeling.

Seriously folks, if you want attention, you can have my cancer. Feel free...even for a day. I dare you. 

But this story touched a nerve. And made me especially angry. Because I don't know where I'd be without a shared sick leave option.

I was SO blessed to have amazing coworkers who donated sick leave so that I could stay home throughout treatments, concentrate on getting healthy, and not have to worry about getting a paycheck or losing my insurance. These amazing people made it possible for me to stay home for the equivalent of one entire school year (split up over two years). One of these amazing people simply told me, "however much you need, it's yours. Don't even hesitate to ask." I cry every time I think of the generosity of this man, and all those that were so willing to donate sick leave to me. Large amounts or small, it didn't even matter (in fact, the district would never tell me who donated what, so they were really doing it simply out of the goodness of their heart, not to get recognition).

Because, when you get sick, there's a lot of people that want to help but they don't really know what to do. And if they have sick leave they can donate, it feels like a tangible, concrete action that they can make...to show support, to contribute to the cause, to relieve even a small amount of stress. It's no small thing that they do. I mean, what if, god forbid, they get sick and need that leave some day? 

I will never be able to repay these people for the gift that they gave me. I strongly believe that being able to stay home and not stress about rushing back to work contributed to the success of my recovery. I could never say "thank you" enough for what they did.
And then you have this jackass who takes advantage of people who are so willing to help. GRRRR! 

I sure hope you get what's coming to you dude. You suck.

And the Results Are In!

Monday was scan and blood work day, and Thursday was the follow up appointment with the doc to get the results. And, amazingly enough, it was actually pretty good news...for once. And since I don't want to keep you waiting any longer:

Clean scans!

Blood work was NORMAL!

Spots on the liver, lung, and kidney were all determined to be cysts that the doctor feels do NOT warrant further concern.

The doctor is happy, so I guess that means I should be happy too. And I am, honest. But...well, it's a little weird. I told almost no one the news all day long. Because it did not feel real; like maybe I was jinxing some cosmic force by saying it out loud and getting just a little excited about it.

But, by late afternoon, I was starting to get the texts and emails of concern as people who knew that I had this appointment were in a small panic when I hadn't been disseminating any news whatsoever. So I had to start texting people...and posting it on Facebook...and now, finally, putting it here. Good news for now.

Next round of scans will be April. I'm not sure I'll know what to do with myself.

Oh, yes I do...we're going to Hawaii, which will feel like such a nice reward.

Christmas came just a little early this year in the Yusko household. As one friend put it: Best. Christmas. Present. Ever.

Now, before you worry that I won't have anything to keep me occupied, please note that there's still a lot of things that I have to deal with in the New Year which will definitely keep me busy in January!

The secret (as in, I wasn't telling anyone about it because I thought it signified that the cancer had come back) pain I've been having turns out to be lymphedema. This will require physical therapy. I'm actually hoping that maybe I can get one appointment in before we leave for vacation to start to manage the pain. Which is remarkably annoying, and now that there's an better than average chance I can do something to mitigate it, I'd kind of like to get that started.

Doc also did a big "I told you so" when I told her that my New Year's resolution is to get my PTSD under control. So that maybe I can go back to work someday without wanting to kill people. (Seriously, one of the options on the doctor's "how do you feel?" questionnaire each time is "thoughts of violence towards others." Keith will never let me circle it!) I love that the doc just smiles at me with her "I'm pretty sure I told you that you were a crazy person and not ready to go back to work and needed to get a major handle on your craziness before trying to re-integrate into society" look. So, now she's taking charge of getting me help on that front with one of the amazing doctors at SCCA who specializes in my kind of crazy. This is priority number one in January, honest! Especially because I think the symptoms are actually getting worse and almost caused me to bring down the plane to Vegas with a panic attack. Good times. Especially if you were the couple sitting next to me on the plane who were not related to me.

Until then, I now have some great new meds to keep me sane...which also have the side effect of MAYBE getting the menopause craziness under control (or at least making the symptoms liveable). Yes, chemo induced me into menopause (like a ton of bricks). Yes, tamoxifen makes sure I stay there. Yes, I took my ovaries out and compounded the problem. Holy crap, did that ever compound the problem. It's like living in a sauna here 24/7. I've given up sleeping through the hot flashes because it's just easier to deal with them while awake and watching TV (and playing on the computer). I've been going to bed around 3:30-4:00am every night and getting up at 6:15am. Then maybe going back to sleep from 7:30-9:30am. I'm sure this lack of sleep has nothing to do with exacerbating the PTSD symptoms AT ALL, right?!

As I type this I realize that exactly one year ago today, I was headed to my first round of chemo. So I guess it's only fitting that I got some good news to mark this "anniversary." WOW. What a difference one year can make. I can't even begin to do a coherent post on how I feel about everything that's happened in the last year (and then some). I'll save that for another day...maybe as I'm relaxing on the beach.

Instead, I thought I'd put this montage together of my journey. Now, it took all of 2 minutes to make this using a fun new app I was playing with on my phone (which appears to have cropped the bottoms off of every picture, but I'll figure out how to fix that on the next montage I make). And I was just quickly scrolling through the pics on my phone. But they are in order from start to finish, so it's interesting to watch. Enjoy the ride with me!

And might I just say...WHEW! HALLELUJAH! THANK YOU! AMEN!

Telling the World

October 23, 2012:

Well, we told the kids on Sunday, and my parents last night, so now it's time to tell everyone else. How does one do that without (1) telling the entire story 372 times, and (2) everyone finding out the news from their own kids, who heard it from my kids, before I have a chance to tell them? In a move that can only be described as one that makes me the tackiest friend EVER, I decide to blanket the world of Facebook with my news. I prefer to call it efficient. Sure, that sounds good, and makes me feel much less crappy.

It actually goes well, and I've directed everyone to this blog, conveniently ready to go so that it would answer people's questions for me.

Here's what I discovered: 
(1) People are on Facebook ALL THE TIME, at all hours of the day and night, and obviously at work. I received immediate comments, as well as comments WELL into the night (after even I went to bed).

(2) People think I'm a tough, crazy, kick-your-ass, strong person with a wicked sense of humor. Okay, I'll take that! I think many of these people are too, which is why we're friends :) 

(3) I have AMAZING friends and family! The support, prayers, wishes, and words of wisdom were reassuring and much needed. Just further proof of what I already knew...I love all these amazing people in my life. Thank you!


What I also want noted is that some people still find out in rather crappy ways, and it clearly cannot be helped. One of my friends who works at the neighboring middle school found out from one of the district mucky-mucks, over the phone, before I had a chance to tell him in person. I'm not even sure that was legal, but certainly wins the tacky award! And my poor husband had been trying to call his brother (and family) for at least a week, but they had been playing phone tag. It's not really the kind of news you want to leave on voicemail. Well, my niece saw the post on FB and texted her dad the news. Oh well, we tried. (Keep in mind, my own brother still doesn't know. He only texts, I won't send that info via text message, and he lives in LA. Probably won't see him until Thanksgiving...Happy Thanksgiving! Good times!)