Against Medical Advice

So, I have finally reached my decision about what treatment comes next! For those of you keeping tabs, the delay in moving forward was because I was being a "bad patient" and not wanting to have a double mastectomy. It just never felt like the right decision for me (damn you Angelina Jolie for "coming out" when you did because if I have to hear one more person point that out to me, I might scream). 

After WEEKS of tests, scans, and doctor's appointments with EVERY doctor on my "team" and then some, here's what I can report:

I am going Against. Medical. Advice.

(1) The breast MRI I had done two weeks ago came back CLEAN (This is a miracle of God, BTW)!

(2) I have had all the genetic testing there is to have and I do not carry the BRCA gene. Yeah for me...and my daughter...and my son and any kids he might have some day...and my brother's kids (again, some day...ha, ha).

(3) It's all about risk/reward for me, and no one could sell me on the fact that the reward of this surgery actually outweighed the risks. In all honesty, I'm more likely to die from a heart attack now (thanks to the chemo), leukemia (again, thanks chemo), or lung cancer (chalk that one up to radiation) before the breast cancer came back...if it ever comes back. I'm really not increasing my risk by any significant percentage over the course of my lifetime.

I will NOT be having the recommended double mastectomy (bad patient = me). (Some day, I will tell you the story of how I played my doctors against each other like a teenager manipulating their parents. It was quite funny, and what happens when you have three doctors with very distinctive personalities). 

Instead, on 6/14, I will have ANOTHER surgery (a "re-incision," my 4th) just so they can open me up and scrape any microscopic cancer cells that might be hiding. Honestly, I really don't think they need to do this but the radiation oncologist said it would make him feel better. Fine. Whatever. 

Somewhere around 7/10, I will begin radiation treatments, which will be every day, 5 days/week for 7-8 weeks, taking me through mid-September-ish.

That's what the plan is right this minute. Thank you for your continued support and prayers!! And for not posting links to articles about how amazing Angelina Jolie is and how I should just suck it up. 

In Which I Hate Everything I Heard at the Doctor

I swear I'm trying to be a trooper through this whole process. And I do still have my sense of humor, I promise (keep reading for proof of that). But talking to the doctor on Friday before my latest round of chemo, I kind of hated everything that she was saying.

(1) My impending mastectomy and reconstruction sounds like it's going to SUCK for me because as we all know my cancer is "special." Traditional strategies for reconstruction probably aren't an option, and probably won't even work. And it could take up to a YEAR after radiation ends. Which will put it into another school work year...and insurance calendar year...(don't get me started on either of those right now). Yeah, more money and more sick days...

(2) Even though I think that the steroids they are giving me is actually what is killing me, she is still going to give them to me. I swear the migraines are steroid induced, and I know the weight gain is. UGH! However, on the plus side here, she says if I still get the migraine this go-round, she will agree with me and reduce the amount I'm given.

(3) Finally asked the big question: How do we tell if this treatment is working? Kinda wished I hadn't asked it. I'm the kind of gal that wants ANSWERS! TESTS! DEFINITIVE PROOF! Bring on the numbers people. Yeah, apparently it doesn't work like that. Basically it boils down to, if I'm still alive in 5 years, that's how they know this treatment worked. That's a pretty sucky answer folks! (Of course, there were so many funny responses to this, I promise you that Keith and I were saying all of them. Like, "And if you die within the year, then Whoops! My bad." Had the doc physically LAUGHING so hard, she had to stop her explanation. We won the day's prize for humor, so that was a perk I guess).

So no, there are no blood tests, scans, etc. that give me an "all clear" immediately following treatment. They are doing the best possible treatment based on my angry cancer and the positive results in others with similar cases. I totally believe this, and believe in them and the process. I have no doubts that this will work. HOWEVER, I'd like a little proof! Other than, "you come to the doctor every six months and we talk about how you're feeling and go from there." Because guess what folks? I was feeling pretty good before this whole process started and then these lumps (which no one thought was cancer) appeared and by that point I was already Stage 2-3.

Now, the one thing that I do have going for me is that I will get some scans right after these treatments because of the "unusual" lymph node and the spot on my liver (WTH? I don't remember anyone saying ANYTHING about the liver) that were "lighting up" in previous scans. They will check to verify that those areas aren't showing up anymore, so that will at least give me some sense of relief. 

But still! Sucky answer!