Surgery: A 3-For-1 Special!

It's Friday, and that means surgery day. If you've been keeping up on the blog, you know that it's a 3-for-1 surgery because I'm AWESOME. Please take some time to read the past few posts to catch up if you need to.

Eleven or so months ago, I found the two lumps that have changed everything about my life and year. Since then, I've had more doctors appointments, scans, tests, and blood draws than I can actually count. I survived 5 MONTHS of chemo and have months and months of radiation ahead. But today is surgery #4 (knock on wood) and should be the last! So I can check off another step in the journey...hooray!

We showed up at the hospital at 8:30am for my 10:00am surgery. We are experts at this, maybe even frequent flyers, so we don't even look at the directions for where we are supposed to go and are flying by memory (albeit a sketchy way to go with my memory these days, but we find the right elevator to the correct wing to the right floor so we passed that test). Check-in is a BREEZE because now I know how to fill out the paperwork...and know what NOT to ask questions about.

No need to regale you with a play by play, but here are some of the funny observances this time:
(1) Pre-op nurse has AWESOME sense of humor. Why have I not had this guy the whole time?! When asked if I'm wearing jewelry (a big no-no), I fire back some quip about the awesome hospital ID bracelet, and he fires back an equally funny bit about only the best for our frequent guests. LOVE HIM!

(2) Because I've developed an allergy to tape, all instructions about what side of my body not to take blood draws/blood pressure from are now simply written directly on my skin in Sharpie.

(3) There's a doctor roaming the halls outside my pre-op room in hip-waders, I swear to God. Okay, so maybe they're only large rubber boots but I'm suddenly concerned that this is a bad sign of things to come.

(4) My surgeon BREEZES into the room in skinny jeans, a flowy top, and flip flops. Oh yes, we must make fun of her for this...and we do. Good thing I know and love her because this outfit does not exactly inspire confidence. She's obviously waited until surgery number 4 to show her true identity.

(5) The operating room nurse comes in with a bad consent form that says I'll be having a mastectomy. BACK THE TRUCK UP!!! Needless to say, crisis averted when I FREAK OUT all over them and demand they shred it.

(6) Anesthesiologist this time says that he likes to give a different batch of drugs so that you get to the operating room and get settled before passing out. (This is unlike all my previous surgeries where I've been out like a light before even leaving the pre-op room). Well, Mr. Anesthesiologist guy, I've decided that I don't like your methods. I felt no need to remember the OR because it was crowded (and I don't really want to think about why ALL THOSE PEOPLE IN SCRUBS were in there) and FREEZING BUTT COLD. Next time, I'm going back to the good drugs.

I woke up in recovery at 11:30am, and was out the door to go home at 1:30pm. There was some confusion about me staying overnight but I definitely cleared that up right away. I was home by 2:00pm and installed on the couch where I will spend the weekend (since I now can't walk for at least two weeks because of the stitches in my foot). I'll be posting pics soon.

In Which My Life Turns into an Episode of House

Seriously, my life could not get any crazier. 

First off, let me say, I am a HUGE fan of the TV show "House." HUGE. FAN. I am positive that I've seen every episode at least twice, and am thankful it is one of the few good shows that has re-runs airing late at night when I can't sleep. I can actually tell you which channels at which times the re-runs air if you're interested.

Now, to the funny part of the story...

Memorial Day weekend (Sunday), I am watching House re-runs. Because why wouldn't you if they are on?! Have you seen the show? Then you know how with 5 minutes to go, Dr. House swoops in with his brilliant diagnosis and saves the day. In this particular episode, (which I know I've seen but I've kept watching on this day because I can't remember what the medical mystery was), with three minutes to go, House finds a spot on the bottom of the patient's foot that turns out to be a melanoma that has been causing all the cancer-related symptoms (because melanoma is cancer, right?). When they show the "spot" on the bottom of the guy's foot, my brain says, "Hmmm...that looks a lot like the spot on the bottom of my foot. You know, the one that's been there for probably three years, and just appeared one day? Dark purple/brown/black, never goes away, never changes color. Hmmm..."

Of course the first thing I do is start Googling everything I can to see if this is a real thing or just made up for TV to make Dr. House appear even more brilliant than I know he is. Holy crap, it's real. You can get melanoma on the bottom of your foot. Double Holy crap. There's a healthier than average link between skin cancer and breast cancer and vice versa. AWESOME!

Second thing I do? Start laughing! Uncontrollably. Because, seriously? What else are you going to do?

Third thing I do? Mention all this to my husband because this is the first time I've actually told anyone about said spot on foot. Because why would you?!

Fourth, fifth, and sixth thing I do? Stop surfing the Internet. Demand dermatologist phone number from a friend who has a good one (but I refuse to tell her why. Good thing she's on vacation for the weekend and not too curious about details). Count down the hours until Tuesday morning when I can call for emergency appointment.

Tuesday morning, I make Keith call because I cannot do this and keep a straight face. We do NOT mention anything about the House episode. Truthfully, upon further inspection (all weekend long), I must admit the spot has changed slightly since chemo started. Now it is lighter around the edges with a dark spot in the center. So along with my entire medical and treatment history, this is why we tell them we are concerned. Soonest appointment I can get is Friday. Good Lord.

Friday 5/31 is appointment day. No, I do NOT say, "so, I was watching this episode of House over the weekend..." because even I know that sounds like CRAZY TALK. CRAZY. TALK. We talk about my cancer/treatments, she looks at the spot on my foot for 3.6 seconds and says, "Yeah, that's got to come out within 30 days." SUPER! Good thing I already have a surgery scheduled for 6/14, and just happen to have the best surgeon around who can do all these things for me. It'll be one stop shopping.

The scoop? It could be melanoma, but might not be. However, it MUST come out because of it's stronger than average likelihood of being melanoma, and no one wanting to risk leaving it alone, especially me! When it is removed, it will be biopsied so we'll know for sure, but at that point it will be out so unlikely to require further specific treatments.

So now my surgery this Friday is a Three-For-One: (1) Port removal; (2) Re-incision/scraping around for breast cancer cells; (3) Removing this "spot" on my foot. Lucky me. It means I won't be able to walk on my foot for at least 2 weeks, and I can't use crutches for most of that because of the re-incision surgery. Super fun.

All in all, it's been a funny couple of weeks here. I self-diagnosed via a House episode. I've spent more than my share of time wishing Hugh Laurie was my doctor (because that might actually make all of this worth it). And I've learned some valuable lessons:

(1) Always pay attention to spots and lumps.

(2) Never find something wrong with you on a weekend or a Holiday, but especially a Holiday weekend.