In Which I am Thankful For...Being Taken Care of

Continuing my posts of gratitude today. I thought I would continue with some additional ways in which friends and family have taken care of us during this cancer journey.

Again, in no particular order, I will forever be grateful for:

• All my Evergreen (and Lake Washington School District) staff that shared their sick leave with me. I ran out of my own sick leave in December of 2012. On the advice of all my doctors (and my own common sense), it was necessary to stay out of the building through June, 2013, and again this fall during radiation and after my recent surgery. (Let's be honest, middle schools are a hotbed of germs, and you know what? There's no prize at the end for working too hard and running myself down). I can never return the favor to these people, nor can I express my level of gratitude for the opportunity to get healthy while not worrying about losing my benefits.
• All of those friends who volunteered to drive me to radiation every day, and to those random doctor appointments/scans when Keith was out of town. You made the process so much less lonely and it was great to have a friendly face there.
• My daughter's 5th grade year went by in a blur. There are so many families who made sure that her last year of elementary school was smooth and enjoyable and that she could participate in all the activities that she wanted to. I could do an entire post on ALL the things she did and places she went and the people at the heart of taking care of her. It truly does take a village, and some day I'm going to owe so many sleepovers and favors! I tear up every time I think about this amazing group of people.
• My friend who put together the care calendar so friends/family/neighbors/ could sign up to deliver us groceries as well as meals for the family several times a week. And to EVERYONE that did sign up. This small gesture of love relieved so much stress in our lives. Some of you signed up multiple times! A certain neighbor saved me every chemo week with homemade soup just for me! The friends from far away who called in pizza delivery. And those that sent gift cards instead so we could use as we needed. Especially the Subway cards...which I made Keith pick up for me every week during chemo.
• Several people deserve love for organizing fundraisers to support me throughout this process. Online and in person fundraisers were held, and the money raised was MUCH NEEDED to make a dent in the rising tide of medical bills. The students who attended and performed, their families who donated, friends, family, my dad's coworkers, random community members...everyone who donated in person or anonymously. Cannot express my gratitude enough!
• Our soccer family for seeing us through this process and always being supportive! It's the teenage boy's last year with this team and I will be sad to not see these people every week.
• The friends at work who organized the students into making a GIANT book of love, full of quotes, pictures, drawings, reading recommendations, poems, handwritten notes, and just a lot of love from my Evergreen family. It was completed and presented at just the right time last spring to keep me going during a pretty dark time.
• The wonderful friends who made sure we had a place to be last Christmas Eve. No one had any idea how I'd be right after that first round of chemo (other than REALLY depressed about not being in Hawaii), but they took care of all us and made the entire evening easy and full of love. I'd offer to return the favor this year, but they'll have to come to Hawaii to take me up on it.
• My dear friend who took charge of making sure Pantry Packs continued running smoothly. I will never be able to repay the favor for how she jumped in and made many things happen. Tearing up again...

Again, just some thoughts that come to my chemo-addled brain right now. So many people taking care of us, so little time to say thanks. Stay tuned this week for more!

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In Which I am Thankful For...Friendship

In the spirit of Thanksgiving, I thought that I would take this week to offer up a few glimpses into all that I am grateful for this year.

Please don't think that this list is exhaustive or all-inclusive by any means, but just some highlights of my gratitude over the past year...and they are not in order of importance, just how my chemo-addled brain remembers them.

I thought that I'd start it off by expressing my gratitude for friends far and wide, in every meaning of the word (friend, neighbor, coworker, etc.) for these gestures of friendship:

• I recently came across the mountain of cards and letters I received throughout this process. And I wish I'd had more time to read through them again and again (I was supposed to be cleaning and packing for vacation). There were funny ones, touching ones, notes written from the heart...all of them arrived at just the right moment to keep me going. Seriously, if you know someone going through any kind of health crisis, drop them a card, or two, or ten, in the mail. It does make a difference. Fighting cancer is an isolating experience in many ways, and even a quick note can bridge that gap and make a person feel loved.
• My librarian and publisher friends far and wide that kept me in goody boxes and books. I've heard rumors of an organized roster of who took care of me when, and I'm sure I know who was in charge, but these meant the world to me during my darkest days of chemo.
• Anyone who contributed to the angel tree or pumpkins on my porch (see previous posts on each of those events). Even though we don't do Christmas decorations in the Yusko household, I'm considering breaking out a tree just so I can hang the angels up again this year...and every year hereafter.
• Someone, or several someones, ordered me subscriptions to three or four different magazines (gratefully not food-related ones). A much-needed and appreciated distraction.
• Blankets, hats, and scarves made and/or given with love.
• Friends who motivated me to get out of the house by promising me lunch, or coffee, or drinks. And the friends who helped me get out of the house and get walking. Helping me just forget about being at the hospital every other day and allowing me to pretend to be normal for a little while. Definitely helped me keep my sanity some days! And for those that were there to raise a drink to small victories.
• Discovering friends that have been through and survived major illnesses of their own, who can offer support when no one else can. Because no one else really understands.
• Think what you want about Facebook, it has been a godsend during this process. No where else can you get immediate feedback in the form of: messages of support, commiseration to your crappy day, words of wisdom, and posts to make you laugh. You don't actually get tired of any of these things. Facebook is also good for allowing friends from far and wide, new and old, to connect. It's been great to be the recipient of this love.

Now, before you think I've forgotten all the other things that people did for us, never fear. I decided to split this post into two parts, so you'll have to stay tuned tomorrow for more...

Forever grateful...

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Care Package for a Chemo Patient

Since I have been diagnosed, several people I know have also been diagnosed with cancer. And it is sad and scary for everyone involved, trust me. Now, in most cases, everyone has been able to get a clean bill of health after only needing surgeries to remove the offending cancer. They can avoid the entire chemo and radiation journey that I'm on (the joys of getting diagnosed with stage 3 Angry Cancer). I am so happy anytime someone gets a clean bill of health!!! And for those of you that have to follow me down this chemo/radiation journey, I am here for you!

However, this has me thinking, what would I do for you or get you if you had to go through chemo? What would I want you to have? This is really an extension of the question of I get asked a lot: What do you need/want? So, I decided to put together this "care package" of things that would help a chemo patient out, based on what I needed the most.

(1) I would take charge of setting up a care calendar for you. Meals? Groceries? Rides? Transportation for your kids? I might need to ask you for email addresses and what your family likes to eat, but it'll be set up and ready to go on a moment's notice. Please don't cook ever again!

(2) Straws and grown-up sippy cups (you know, those cups you can buy from Starbucks with the lid and straw). Seriously, you need straws, I can't explain how vital they are. It's easier to lay in bed and drink if you have lids and straws. And I'll get you at least 3 of the cups...one for water, one for juice, one for ginger ale...because you will want all 3 at the same time.

(3) A case of bottled water for your car. Chemo makes you SO thirsty. Not kidding, there will come a day when you are headed to the doctor, or to brave the germ-infested masses at the store, and you will be dying of thirst! And then you will think I'm a genius.

(4) A goody bag with the new essentials for your purse/car/bedroom (yes, I really do have 3 sets of of everything): Chapstick, Kleenex, hand sanitizer, and lotion (all unscented, of course).

(5) Fuzzy socks (with grippy feet) and nice soft hats. Again, when you need these, you will think I'm a genius. Note to self (and anyone out there using this as a shopping list): KEEP THE TAG ON THE HAT so that the patient will know where to go to get more if it becomes their new favorite clothing item!

(6) A soft blanket or shawl, perhaps hand-crafted with love. Unfortunately, I am not crafty so I would have to get someone to do it for me. I have received several of these and I love them all! And appreciate the ones that were made during a prayer circle/meeting. You can feel the love.

(7) Biotene makes a line of great mouthwashes, toothpastes, mouth gels, etc. Trust me when I say, you will need it all!

(8) Really good salt...the fancy flavored sea salt kind...and lots of it. And probably some awesome spices. I'll even throw in a little baking soda with it and tell you how to keep from losing your taste buds like I did.

(9) I will share my meds with you if your doctor doesn't give you the good stuff. But since you will probably get all kinds of good stuff, I'll make sure to bring you all the boring over-the-counter stuff they forget to mention that you need to get through it: Tylenol, Claritin, Colase, Senakot, Queasy Pops, a variety of stuff to help you sleep...all kinds of fun.

(10) Trashy magazines. As much as I love to read, sometimes my brain isn't functioning and I just want to flip through People or Us magazine. And then not worry if I don't remember reading it.

(11) Restaurant gift cards for you and your family to use. Trust me, even if you don't care, there will be a day where your family desperately wants to go out to eat.

(12) iTunes gift cards. I don't know if you have an iPod, iPad, Kindle app, whatever. But you will need mind-numbing games to play, music to listen to, books you can read without carting around a library, audiobooks in case your eyes go to hell like mine did. Thank you Apple.

(13) I will tell you NOT to shave your head before chemo starts. Sure, go ahead and cut it short, but don't shave it off in dramatic fashion like you see in movies and TV shows. Because if you have hair growing in/stubble when your hair really does start to fall out, your head will hurt. Not any fun.

(14) I will send you cards via snail mail just because. I currently have 4 or 5 people that do this and it is so fun to get these cards. Whether they are sunny, sweet, or funny, it is so nice to receive them. And SO much better than the bills that fill up the mailbox.

(15) I will pay for a subscription to Netflix or Hulu or whatever you want. Trust me, you will become infinitely familiar with the television schedule and you will start to hate every channel.

(16) When you figure out which day(s) is your "bad" day, holler. I will take your kids out of the house (because you might find them to be loud and smelly). Or I'll come over and take care of you and send your family to my house to hang out. Or I'll kick everyone out of your house, shut your bedroom door so you can have peace and quiet, and sit downstairs and read a book and wait for you to need something. Whatever you want that day to look like. I didn't want anyone bothering me because they smelled, but I needed someone in my house to bring me drinks. And I was lucky to have friends and family who took my daughter each weekend so she never really had to know what it looked like when I felt like that. (The teenage boy was often so oblivious that he didn't even notice mom hadn't come out of the bedroom for days).

(17) Every now and then I will ask you what you need. And please, speaking from personal experience, TELL ME. Do you need groceries? Your bathrooms cleaned? A massage (god, not from me, but I'll take up a collection and make sure you get one)? Soup? Ginger Ale? To go for a walk? To get out of the house? Go to a movie? Talk about how crappy life is? Not talk about how crappy life is? Bring. It. On.

This is just some things that I found I needed...and was lucky enough to have people taking care of me. Happy to pay it forward.

Taste Buds...Who Needs Them?!

So, a couple of weeks ago I posted about my general complaints...not the obvious "I hate everything and everyone 2-5 days after chemo" complaints, but the day to day irritations about this entire process. 

One of those annoyances was that my taste buds were all out of whack. Nothing tasted like it should, and this is really irritating! I have to say that going through chemo is a little  like being pregnant (only much worse in my case): you crave certain foods, smells really bother you, and only one particular thing sounds good to eat at any given time. I was not above making the husband run to McDonalds for a milkshake at 9 in the morning. And it better be vanilla, because if you bring home the wrong flavor, watch out!

The reason it sucks for your taste buds to be out of whack is that you crave something, like an amazing plate of pasta, and you make someone make it, and then you take a bite and go, "sorry, it doesn't taste right, I can't eat it." FRUSTRATING for everyone involved, I promise! But as annoying as this was becoming (and I'm pretty sure there were days that the husband wanted to kill me), I was starting to acclimate to this change. I had started finding the things that did taste good to me and satisfied the cravings. It was annoying, but I was coping.

And then I clearly made the mistake of complaining about this side effect to some people. The chemo gods obviously thought they'd have a little fun because the next morning I woke up and couldn't taste ANYTHING! And I knew it immediately because I had a sore throat, popped in one of those nasty cherry tasting lozenges, and realized I couldn't taste it...AT ALL. UGH! Throughout the day I tried everything to no avail. Nothing had any taste.

It's been a week now, and I still can't taste anything, so I've given up hope that this is temporary.  And I promise you, compromised taste buds were WAY better than no taste buds. I take back every bad thing I said about them being whack...because I never realized that I should be grateful for messed up versus nonexistent.

I can't even describe to you what it's like to eat things without tasting them, but it certainly has taken a lot of normally tasty items off the menu: rice, pasta, fish, meat...anything soft is just disgusting when it doesn't have any flavor. I'll save you the vivid imagery of what's its like to eat these things.

What I have discovered is that I eat for texture now. If it doesn't crunch, I don't want it. I've been living on broccoli salad (the kind with cashews, cranberries, bacon, and what I'm sure is a tasty onion dressing), pomegranate seeds tossed on EVERYTHING, and cinnamon chex (for some reason, I can actually taste cinnamon on a small corner of my tongue). Also, if something is crazy spicy or has a strong smell (bleu cheese), my sense of smell is clearly compensating. I can't really taste it, but my senses must be creating a taste on some level. We went to Chinese food for my mom's birthday and the only thing that tasted okay were the spicy green beans. They cleared my sinuses and though I couldn't taste the spice, they did taste and crunch like a green bean.

I'm typing this while sitting through my most recent round of chemo. And I'm a little grumpy because I have just learned that I could probably have salvaged my tastebuds by rinsing with salt water and baking soda 6 times a day from the beginning. The doctor was surprised I hadn't been doing this. Well, if someone mentioned it, or stressed how important it was, I didn't hear it. I only heard the baking soda part for mouth sores. Trust me, this is something that I would've been doing!! (She does think I might be able to rescue them if I start this now, which I will be doing as soon as I get home).

Be careful what you wish for is the motto for the day I guess. I never thought wishing for tastebuds that weren't out of whack would bring this on. And let me tell you, if it's too late to rescue them, I'm going to be like this for the next 3-4 MONTHS! Dear lord, I now know where homicidal rage comes from...

Most. Annoying. Symptom. EVER!

Getting Cards and Letters from People I Don't Even Know

Yes, I did just date myself with this reference to Rhinestone Cowboy. It was a popular song in my house when I was growing up and I've always been a Glen Campbell fan.

These past several weeks have brought cards, letters, meals, and gifts from so many people (okay, I really do know them, but still, it made a good post title). Everything is appreciated and please consider this post as my way of thanking you. I cannot even begin to imagine thanking you all individually.

Just to highlight a few:
I've got a good supply of Nutella thanks to a variety of people near and far (Boston and Amsterdam just to name a few places). I should be good for at least for a few weeks :)

A friend sent me a hat that she knitted. LOVE IT...and that it was knitted with love. And no, cute little daughter, this is not for you.

The pastor of the church that lets us use their space for Pantry Packs knitted me a shawl. SO beautiful (cute little daughter wants a matching one of those, too) and I cried a little when I opened up the package that she dropped on my doorstep the other day.

One of my friends went to see one of my favorite authors while he was in town and she got a book autographed/personalized for me. Not just "To Shauna, Happy Reading, Sherman Alexie" but an actual inscription where he wishes me well and hopes that I stay strong, etc. Completely personalized. WOW!

My dear friend and neighbor who literally hi-jacked all the donated food for Pantry Packs that has been sitting in my front hall the last few weeks and put all of it in her own house...in her mother-in-law apartment...where people are staying! She has rallied friends and neighbors staying there to organize, sort, and pack. YEAH!

All the people cooking such yummy meals. And my family would like to thank you all for always including baked goods with the meals. Though I have to say that I hope they don't get spoiled by this because there will not always be platters of dessert EVERY DAY! Hope they don't go through withdrawals when I cut them off.

So many people shlepping my children to and fro. I've already decided two things: 
(1) I think I'll create a signup genius for those of you wanting to take my daughter. (And teenage boy really doesn't understand why you would want her). Every day someone can take her after school...I'm totally fine with this, and she's always wanted playdates every day. Now's her chance!
(2) I am so screwed next school year when I have to pay all of these playdate favors back. There's going to be nothing but slumber parties at my house every weekend, I can already see it coming.