Vegas Vacation

In an attempt to reclaim a small piece of my soul, and to celebrate the end of almost one YEAR of treatments, hubby and I ran away to Vegas for a few days last week. Without the kids. I did nothing but eat, eat, sit in the sun, eat some more. Oh, and I got SICK! VERY, VERY SICK! So, at least one of the days was not any fun, and a lesson in the fact that compromised immune systems don't magically come back.

We broke the bank and chose Gordon Ramsay's Steakhouse has the "official" celebratory meal. Final bill could have been scarier, but we opted not to get the Hell's Kitchen tasting menu. I did get the life-changing dessert however. Looking back, I almost wish that I'd just had 12 of those. Seriously! Life-changing! Pictures below!

Here are some highlights of the sun, food, and relaxing that went on:

Another Reason I Miss Vacation

Vacation was so relaxing that I just want to go back. And one of the main reasons is the food, and that other people were cooking it for me.

Keith has been reffing and/or coaching every night of the week (and that's actually not an exaggeration), and nothing really excites me about eating right now, so when dinnertime rolls around and the kids ask, "What's for dinner?" I usually say "nothing." Which is a joke, but is how I feel. I'm tired by that point in the day, I don't really want to eat anything myself except Raisin Bran Crunch, and I sure would prefer not to stand up and cook something.

But, since I obviously don't have Bobby Flay on speed dial, we are getting by. We were getting meals delivered throughout this process, but I let the calendar lapse with spring break coming up because I knew we were going to be gone and didn't want a bunch of leftovers sitting in the fridge. 

Thinking that I might have to get that going again. Or I might suffer through these last few weeks of chemo and wait to see if I'll need to throw myself on the mercy of friends during radiation instead. 

It's these kind of things that get you down and make you feel like a sick person. When you just don't have the energy to take care of your family. Maybe I will have to write Bobby Flay a note...

VEGAS!

Vacation is FUN and relaxing and I'm so glad to be on one after what seems like FOREVER. Yes, I know, it really hasn't been forever...I tend to exaggerate just a little. But it is nice to go somewhere and pretend you're not really a cancer patient.

A couple of notes about vacationing in Vegas when you are sick:

(1) Not the cleanest, most smoke-free city in the world by any stretch of the imagination. Have been trying very hard not to touch elevator buttons or escaltor hand rails. Also trying not to sit near anyone with obvious symptoms of the plague and/or smoking like a chimney (yeah, super easy to do here).

(2) Want to have some fun? Wear a mask through TSA security at the airport like I did.

(3) Having no taste buds means that your eating options are limited. Luckily Vegas has a million restaurants. But, I have to check out the menu first to make sure that there is something that I can eat before committing to a particular establishment, so we've become those annoying people that spend an hour blocking access to the menu posted outside the restaurant.

(4) There is no 5 second rule in Vegas. If it falls on the floor, it's over. 

(5) I am not supposed to sit in the sun (stop laughing). I had to borrow several hats so that I could hang out by the pool and soak up the warmth. No wearing the wig 24/7 since it tends to get a little sweaty.

(6) My neuropathy has gotten SO MUCH WORSE (will post more about this later). Currently I cannot feel my hands, feet, a big section of my left shoulder blade, and part of my chest. Since we've been walking most places, not feeling your feet makes for a really fun time. Especially when you have a cross between Vasco de Gama and Speed Racer for a husband. Now, the good thing? It's Vegas...everyone just assumes that I'm drunk.

(7) As the kids pointed out, "Mom, you fit in here." Meaning me and the Katy Perry wig look relatively "normal" here (for Vegas). People don't stare quite as much. It's actually kind of nice. 

What Week Was This?

One of the hardest things about chemo is that you have to get up and get ready every week knowing what you are in for: a long day of BORING, being poked and prodded, and then all the icky side effects that are headed your way in the days to come. Weeks start to blend together and all look alike. 

Today is another chemo day, but I'm not really sure which one this is as I'm sitting in this chair. Blame it on chemo brain, blame it on the fact that I am completely over this whole process. I think this is week 13? Yeah, let's run with that..."Lucky 13" it is!

It's actually not a bad day, all things considered. 

(1) The view from the window is sunny (though with some encouragement from a friend I am going to start figuring out how to be outside in the sun while getting chemo. I think it might involve some kind of superhero battery backpack as the IV set-up requires electrical...or a REALLY long extension cord). 

(2) Keith is on his way back here with my lunch. I really should be a paid Subway endorser because that's all I eat.

(3) I actually LOST THREE POUNDS this week. See several of my previous posts for my issues with that. Now I have proof that it was the steroids. Yeah for week 2 without them!

Now, if only the port would cooperate and give up blood for the labs so we could get this process started, the day would be complete. This is the third week in a row that they've had issues with the port, so I fear what this means for future weeks. But, we'll think about that another time.

And I clearly might have to write a post about how to behave if you are a visitor in the hospital since there is a VERY ANNOYING GUY talking LOUDLY on his cell phone outside my infusion room. I appreciate that he moved away from his friend/family member's "room" when taking his "very important call." However, he moved right outside MY room (which, keep in mind, doesn't have a door) to talk...for a long time...and I have headphones on and can still hear him. I am considering running him over with my IV stand. Bad. Hospital. Etiquette. Monumentally Bad!

So Really, How Do You Feel?

"How are you feeling?" This is a question that I get asked a lot. And before you think I'm complaining about your concern, I'm totally not! I so appreciate all the love and good wishes and support and thoughts. But sometimes I wonder if you really want to know all the details...probably not. But I thought I'd do a post about the most annoying complaints I have.

When I'm not being hit by a truck (that is, the 3-4 days after chemo, which is a post all on it's own), I generally feel:

(1) TIRED, TIRED, and TIRED some more. It's kind of embarrassing. Did you see the Parenthood episode a couple of weeks ago where Kristina makes a comment about hitting the wall? How 6 minutes ago she was great and now all she wants to do is sleep? I laughed because that's exactly how it is!

(2) My teeth still hurt, but changing toothpastes and avoiding cold things is helping. And my favorite pharmacist asked her dentist dad about it, and he says he has had patients going through chemo complain about it and they think it might be related to not getting enough fluids. So even though I feel like I'm drowning in cranberry juice and green tea some days, I'm going to start drinking more and see if it helps.

(3) A new malady that's come up in the past week is my eyesight. I can no longer see things up close. Reading books, recipes, email on my phone...all a problem now. I'm going to have to go pick up some of those cool granny glasses. Luckily, the doc says that this, too, is a side effect of chemo, and tends to sort itself back out again within several months of the end of treatments. It better, because reading is my life and I'm starting to feel old.

(4) My head is always cold now! And if I go outside, it gets rained on which makes it colder! Yes, I know, I should just wear the wigs, but eventually they make you hot and itchy, so you don't really wear them around the house. Thank goodness for the hats that people have made and sent.

(5) This might seem petty, and I already know better than to complain about it to the doctor who would be excited to hear it, but I am GAINING weight. WTH? And I know that none of you would think this is a bad thing either, but still. This is most notable because in addition to asking your birthdate every time you walk in the door, they also weigh you. And they think they're being sneaky by having the electronic scale post it in kilograms, but science major me knows how to do this math. And I've gained 4 pounds in less than 3 weeks.  (Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm sure it has nothing to do with all the sitting on my ass I've done since mid-December, but when there's only about 4 days out of every 2 weeks where you actually feel good enough to walk around the neighborhood, sitting sounds pretty good).

(6) Chemo brain is setting in. I knew it was coming, but I hate it. Chemo brain is this strange phenomenon where you lose your short term memory, forget the words for things that you know, etc. There have been many times where I pick up the computer and then forget why I did. Or I'll be in the middle of typing these posts and forget what I wanted to say. Or I'll be talking to someone and I won't remember the word I'm looking for. This usually involves me waving my arms around frantically as if that will help my brain come up with the right word/name. MAKING ME NUTS!

(7) If there can be a most annoying malady, it's definitely that my taste buds are WHACK right now. Things that I used to love to eat no longer sound good. One example of these is my complete lack of desire for my mochas/hot cocoa. I've gone back to tea, and even green tea which in all honesty I used to hate. I can't get enough of those hideous bottled Lipton green tea and berry concoctions now. My favorite shrimp tempura? A definite no go right now. Nothing tastes right, or how you remember it, or how you expect it to taste. There's been many a night where I'm the person having something else for dinner because what was on the menu just doesn't taste right to me. Crazy!

(8) And a last complaint...if the fast-growing hair cells are being attacked making me bald, can someone explain why I still have hair on my legs? I'd be happy for that to go away ANYTIME! And I promise you that it's much faster growing than the hair on my head, so what's the hold up??? I'd be happy not to have to shave my legs. I mean, really, there's got to be one perk to this whole process, right?

A Different Truck

I think the truck this time only ran over me once.

Don't get me wrong, I still hurt. In fact, I have spent the weekend in the dark because my head hurts so bad. Just when I thought I'd have all this time to read...ha! Everything is blurry. And my head is throbbing and tingly all over (which I actually think means that my hair will be falling out soon...grrrr).

But I do feel slightly better than last time, and as much as it doesn't make sense to me, I'm going to credit the Claritin. It's the only thing that I've done differently, and it seems to have made the collision with the truck easier to manage. And I'm wondering if I can take more than the recommended dosage because it would be nice to feel even that much better!

Any other differences this time? Smells didn't bother me as much, but only certain foods sounded good. I didn't touch a Saltine this time because the thought of them made me gag. As pathetic as it is, boring canned chicken noodle soup was really where it's at. We tried two other fancy deli/store versions and they were just "spicy" enough that I couldn't stand the taste. Apparently, my taste buds are under attack. Foods that I normally like, I don't. Foods that used to sound good, don't. We bought CASES of flavored fizzy water from Costco right before chemo started because I figured these would be a good substitute for the soda I've been known to mainline. I really like all the flavors...or at least I did. They're still sitting in the fridge because now they taste like Alka-Seltzer to me. 

Back to sitting in the dark...the computer is just bright enough to hurt my head...

In Which I Am Hit By a Truck

I hope that I am not jinxing myself by posting this, but I think I have turned the corner from the first round of chemo. KNOCKING ON WOOD...

The doc warned that the low point would hit at some time over the weekend, and could continue through day 7 (these first chemo cycles are 14 days, so day 1 = chemo, day 2 = shot, day 8 = labs, day 15 = chemo again). Friday morning I was feeling a little dizzy, but this did not last past the morning and the doctor thinks it was probably the residual effects of the meds I took the night before. By Friday evening, I was feeling a little queasy, but nothing too bad. Again, meds to the rescue! The warnings to keep hydrated and keep your stomach full to fend off the nausea were working. 

Saturday morning was a little different. This is when the nausea really started to kick in. No puking (thank God), but NOTHING sounded good. Very hard to keep your stomach full when the thought of every kind of food in your house makes you sick. I subsisted on cranberry juice, Saltines (my new friend), mac-n-cheese (don't ask why this didn't make me sick), and some horrible canned chicken noodle soup. Keith has called a friend and put an order in for her Italian Wedding Soup ASAP! Trying to be helpful, he ran to the store and bought every kind of deli soup that I liked to no avail. Today I hate everything.

And then Sunday around 2am, I realized what the low point really was. By some miracle of God, the nausea meds are still doing their job (in that I am not actually curled up next to the toilet bowl), but I feel so sick. EVERYTHING and EVERYONE smells bad. Not even the Saltines sound good, but I'm gagging them down. To top it off, I feel like I've been run over by a truck...and it backed up over me for a second pass.

The most mundane smells are making me gag. Keith made hashbrowns for the kids for breakfast and I want to kill him (if only I had the energy). The pretzels that everyone is snacking on (which honestly can't be that different than the Saltines) make me want to hurl. And don't get me started on the container of trail mix that Keith opened. 

I've become "that patient." Nothing makes me happy, the drinks aren't hot enough...or cold enough...and don't ask how many times I made Keith heat up the mac-n-cheese.

I consider parental blocking the Food Network at one point. And WHY is every commercial for FOOD? Who knew there would come a time when I would wish for the male enhancement product commercials instead?!

Around 2pm on Sunday, there was a dramatic turnaround. I'm suddenly craving the kids' leftover pizza in the fridge and I convince teenage boy to heat me up a slice (just one, very small, and make sure it's hot). I manage to eat it without gagging, so I'm pretty convinced I've come out of the darkness. 

And then the glorious soup arrives...a vat of it. THANK GOD!

Notes to self for next go-round:
(1) More Saltines on hand
(2) More 7-Up
(3) More cranberry juice
(4) Lots and lots of soups...any version of chicken noodle, or other clear broth type
(5) Even when you think you're feeling better, choosing to watch a movie about cooking/chefs/restaurants NOT A GOOD IDEA. Wait on that until about day 10.

Getting Cards and Letters from People I Don't Even Know

Yes, I did just date myself with this reference to Rhinestone Cowboy. It was a popular song in my house when I was growing up and I've always been a Glen Campbell fan.

These past several weeks have brought cards, letters, meals, and gifts from so many people (okay, I really do know them, but still, it made a good post title). Everything is appreciated and please consider this post as my way of thanking you. I cannot even begin to imagine thanking you all individually.

Just to highlight a few:
I've got a good supply of Nutella thanks to a variety of people near and far (Boston and Amsterdam just to name a few places). I should be good for at least for a few weeks :)

A friend sent me a hat that she knitted. LOVE IT...and that it was knitted with love. And no, cute little daughter, this is not for you.

The pastor of the church that lets us use their space for Pantry Packs knitted me a shawl. SO beautiful (cute little daughter wants a matching one of those, too) and I cried a little when I opened up the package that she dropped on my doorstep the other day.

One of my friends went to see one of my favorite authors while he was in town and she got a book autographed/personalized for me. Not just "To Shauna, Happy Reading, Sherman Alexie" but an actual inscription where he wishes me well and hopes that I stay strong, etc. Completely personalized. WOW!

My dear friend and neighbor who literally hi-jacked all the donated food for Pantry Packs that has been sitting in my front hall the last few weeks and put all of it in her own house...in her mother-in-law apartment...where people are staying! She has rallied friends and neighbors staying there to organize, sort, and pack. YEAH!

All the people cooking such yummy meals. And my family would like to thank you all for always including baked goods with the meals. Though I have to say that I hope they don't get spoiled by this because there will not always be platters of dessert EVERY DAY! Hope they don't go through withdrawals when I cut them off.

So many people shlepping my children to and fro. I've already decided two things: 
(1) I think I'll create a signup genius for those of you wanting to take my daughter. (And teenage boy really doesn't understand why you would want her). Every day someone can take her after school...I'm totally fine with this, and she's always wanted playdates every day. Now's her chance!
(2) I am so screwed next school year when I have to pay all of these playdate favors back. There's going to be nothing but slumber parties at my house every weekend, I can already see it coming.