The Results are In!

It dawned on me today, after being questioned by numerous people at work, that unless you happened to see the post on Facebook over the weekend, you probably didn't know the results of my latest scans and appointments. Whoops! I forgot to post the news here! 

It's been kind of a whirlwind weekend (more on that later), but I wanted to get the word out to all of you that were wondering.

It was a "good news" kind of appointment. Kind of weird actually, because I don't normally have those, but I'm really looking forward to many more of them!

1. Blood work and scans all look good! Well, for the most part. I still need an MRI to confirm these results because several areas not seen by mammogram. (The MRI is not for several weeks though, so stay tuned).

2. Prescription for new meds in hand. These meds still might make me crazy, but at least I'll have a baseline and can compare which med made me the least crazy.

3. Dr. has heard the story of my HORRIBLE experience at the Seattle office through the grapevine and has decided to complain on my behalf in hopes of instituting change for others.

4. Dr. also feels that billing department hasn't been nice to us, and has decided to champion that cause on my behalf also.

5. Reasons why I LOVE my doctors confirmed!

6. We ended the afternoon at a friend's house where we brought lunch in exchange for seeing her twin babies. It was a good day all around!

Doctor did bring up some interesting points, which I am pondering, and may write more about in an upcoming post.

Was the Tamoxifen really making me crazy, or was it that taking it every day was a constant reminder of having cancer? Well, I grant her there might be some credibility to that argument, but I vote CRAZY. Ask anyone, especially anyone forced to live or work with me. CRAZY! And whatever the reason, since I stopped taking it, I'm starting to feel slightly more sane. Will fill the prescription this for the new drug she prescribed and start taking it soon to see if there's a difference. 

She's also concerned that my dire need to not live in my house anymore isn't going to make me better. She called it "bringing your muddy shoes to a new house." Dealing with my issues will make me feel better than moving to a new house. Or at least, that's what she thinks. And to this, I respectfully disagree...until proven otherwise. New house, new car, new life...all of it is about celebrating being alive. Embracing the things that are actually important. Simplifying. Enjoying. Finding a new place in the world where I'm not reminded of being sick. Life's too short...time to start living the dream.

So, that's my news for now. Thank you for all your prayers, support, messages of love...

Friday Five

Wow, these Fridays just keep getting closer and closer together. Didn't I just write a Friday Five last week??

So here's my life in a nutshell this week.

1) Monday started with a special "just because/Pay It Forward" treat from a friend: my favorite cupcake AND a book! She wanted to make sure my week started off on a good note. YEAH! Just what I needed (and don't tell anyone, but I ate that cupcake for breakfast...because, why not?!). And I was so excited for the book she picked. Not because I hadn't read it (I actually had...it's one of my favorites that I'm ALWAYS book talking to students), but because I LOVE the book so much and it made my heart happy to see someone else recommending it. It's a quiet little gem of a book that I really think everyone should read. And I was given permission to pass it along, so I promise you will see it out in the world soon. Just deciding who gets it first. (FYI, if you'd like in on the Pay it Forward challenge, there's still time! Comment here, email me, message me on Facebook. I'm taking any and all who want to pay kindness forward...doesn't matter where you live. And it's not about wanting a small something from me. It's about wanting to pay the kindness forward to others and keep the magic going!)

2) Was so grateful for a 3-day work week this week. This working thing is kicking my ass. Four hour naps every other day just are not a functional way to live. Then you tack on the fact that the insomnia keeps me up until 3am every night (I'm sure the four hour naps contribute to that as well), and I am just ALWAYS TIRED. ALWAYS! Spent Thursday and Friday SITTING ON MY ASS. Watching Olympics, reading books, and playing a crazy game that the daughter got me addicted to. Need all these mindless activities to distract me from what I should really be doing (cleaning, cleaning, and more cleaning). 

3) I hate PTSD. And menopause. And the fact that I have both. I will spare you the gory details for now, but when I actually kill people or run over small children or start beating the dog, I don't want anyone to be surprised. Cancer...the gift that just keeps giving...

4) Celebrated a friend's 50th birthday this week. A casual event, but so fun. And reminds me that birthdays (and anniversaries, and major life events) are meant to be celebrated! And enjoyed! And spent with those you love! Don't forget this people! EVER! I was actually thinking what an awesome birthday party I was going to throw for myself this year...and then I realized that I was going to be in Vegas for my birthday (because of a library conference). So, I'll definitely be celebrating. But might have to do something before the actual date with all of you...hmmm...

5) I was asked about how my world view has changed since cancer/treatments this week, and I've been trying to construct a coherent answer ever since. It is really something to think about because there are SO MANY THINGS that I just don't give a crap about anymore because these things are not really important. And it's very hard to explain to anyone that has not gone through this type of experience. And I read several books this week (unintentionally) where the main character has cancer and it brought all these emotions back to the forefront (well, that's a lie...those emotions are always there). So, I'm not really answering the question here, but I think that I will do a separate post on the topic soon. I'm still pondering how best to phrase it...

Vegas Vacation

In an attempt to reclaim a small piece of my soul, and to celebrate the end of almost one YEAR of treatments, hubby and I ran away to Vegas for a few days last week. Without the kids. I did nothing but eat, eat, sit in the sun, eat some more. Oh, and I got SICK! VERY, VERY SICK! So, at least one of the days was not any fun, and a lesson in the fact that compromised immune systems don't magically come back.

We broke the bank and chose Gordon Ramsay's Steakhouse has the "official" celebratory meal. Final bill could have been scarier, but we opted not to get the Hell's Kitchen tasting menu. I did get the life-changing dessert however. Looking back, I almost wish that I'd just had 12 of those. Seriously! Life-changing! Pictures below!

Here are some highlights of the sun, food, and relaxing that went on:

First 4 Rounds of Chemo: OVER!

I have had 4 doses of A/C chemo over the last eight weeks, and to be honest, there are times when I felt like it was trying to kill me. Or I wanted to kill someone else. But now that I am coming out of my self-induced, sitting in the dark, curled up in a ball, I hate everyone "chemo weekend," I realize that I should be celebrating this momentous event!

Holy crap, I survived the chemo designed to bring me to my knees! And it's OVER!

True, I still have 12 rounds of chemo coming, EVERY WEEK, and it will bring with it a whole new set of side-effects and challenges (rumors abound that I get to look forward to my fingernails falling out), but everyone has said that if I survive the A/C doses, then these next several months will seem better. Or much more bearable. 

Fingers crossed!