In Which I Try Not To Get Angry

This news post filled my Facebook feed yesterday. (Click here).

And made me ANGRY!

Some complete jackass scams his co-workers out of their sick leave by faking cancer.

Okay, there are stories all the time about people who fake cancer. For the attention, the sympathy, the money, I'm not sure what their mental issue is (and clearly they have many), but it always gets me riled up. Even the gal that's been stealing my blog posts and passing them off as her own is apparently faking having cancer and using my words to tell people how "she's" feeling.

Seriously folks, if you want attention, you can have my cancer. Feel free...even for a day. I dare you. 

But this story touched a nerve. And made me especially angry. Because I don't know where I'd be without a shared sick leave option.

I was SO blessed to have amazing coworkers who donated sick leave so that I could stay home throughout treatments, concentrate on getting healthy, and not have to worry about getting a paycheck or losing my insurance. These amazing people made it possible for me to stay home for the equivalent of one entire school year (split up over two years). One of these amazing people simply told me, "however much you need, it's yours. Don't even hesitate to ask." I cry every time I think of the generosity of this man, and all those that were so willing to donate sick leave to me. Large amounts or small, it didn't even matter (in fact, the district would never tell me who donated what, so they were really doing it simply out of the goodness of their heart, not to get recognition).

Because, when you get sick, there's a lot of people that want to help but they don't really know what to do. And if they have sick leave they can donate, it feels like a tangible, concrete action that they can make...to show support, to contribute to the cause, to relieve even a small amount of stress. It's no small thing that they do. I mean, what if, god forbid, they get sick and need that leave some day? 

I will never be able to repay these people for the gift that they gave me. I strongly believe that being able to stay home and not stress about rushing back to work contributed to the success of my recovery. I could never say "thank you" enough for what they did.
And then you have this jackass who takes advantage of people who are so willing to help. GRRRR! 

I sure hope you get what's coming to you dude. You suck.

In Which I am Thankful...To Be Here

Continuing the gratitude posts today with some quick thoughts on how much difference one year can make.

Last Thanksgiving, we were in Las Vegas (as usual) to celebrate with family. But there was nothing usual about that trip. Don't get me wrong, I was grateful to be there...grateful that I had forced the doctors into letting me go (or maybe I forgot to mention that I was going??), grateful for my dad who paid for the airline ticket so I wouldn't have to sit in the car for 17 hours each way while trying to heal from a 2nd surgery, grateful for family that was there and especially for my "adopted" family that was able to join us. 

But, in the back of my mind, my thoughts were swirling. What if this is the last vacation that we take together? I should be making the most of this vacation, but how? I was making an inventory of all the things I was going to miss in my children's lives. What if the treatments don't work? What is going to happen when I start chemo in a couple of weeks? What if the scans never come back clean? (They still haven't...fingers crossed for the upcoming one in December). What's going to happen to my kids? My family? Me????

And to top it all off, I was exhausted during this vacation. I napped quite a bit, I couldn't walk everywhere like I thought. I hadn't even started treatments (other than some surgeries) and already I was feeling the effects of this angry cancer in my body. (Little did I know that this exhaustion was nothing to what I feel on a daily basis now, but at the time, I really did feel "sick." And maybe it was simply because doctors had put that "C" word in my head).

Fast forward to this Thanksgiving. I'm back here, in Vegas with the family. We are ENJOYING every minute of this trip. Food, shows, the gorgeous penthouse we were upgraded to. ENJOYING. EVERY. MINUTE. (This is the view from the "reading room").

And that's what I'm thankful for today...that I am here. That the HORRIBLE last year-plus that I have endured has kept me alive to enjoy another Thanksgiving. That has me looking forward three weeks when we will be off to Hawaii for a return to our annual Christmas vacation, which I have missed desperately throughout all of this.

I am grateful for the doctors/surgeons that I LOVE and that have taken such good care of me. The nurses that laughed with me. The receptionists that always knew me by name and commiserated with me about the teenage boy. My favorite pharmacy gal Megan who literally saved my sanity.

I am grateful that I trusted these people enough to let them do almost anything they wanted to do to my body. And I'm grateful that "Bring. It. On." is actually a good attitude to have and that it served me well.

I am grateful that I survived it ALL. Everything they threw at me. 

And as I head out to enjoy yet another amazing meal in Vegas, I will leave you with a thought that I stole from one of my favorite author's Facebook posts this morning: I am grateful for the resilience that comes from having scars!

In Which I am Thankful For...Being Taken Care of

Continuing my posts of gratitude today. I thought I would continue with some additional ways in which friends and family have taken care of us during this cancer journey.

Again, in no particular order, I will forever be grateful for:

• All my Evergreen (and Lake Washington School District) staff that shared their sick leave with me. I ran out of my own sick leave in December of 2012. On the advice of all my doctors (and my own common sense), it was necessary to stay out of the building through June, 2013, and again this fall during radiation and after my recent surgery. (Let's be honest, middle schools are a hotbed of germs, and you know what? There's no prize at the end for working too hard and running myself down). I can never return the favor to these people, nor can I express my level of gratitude for the opportunity to get healthy while not worrying about losing my benefits.
• All of those friends who volunteered to drive me to radiation every day, and to those random doctor appointments/scans when Keith was out of town. You made the process so much less lonely and it was great to have a friendly face there.
• My daughter's 5th grade year went by in a blur. There are so many families who made sure that her last year of elementary school was smooth and enjoyable and that she could participate in all the activities that she wanted to. I could do an entire post on ALL the things she did and places she went and the people at the heart of taking care of her. It truly does take a village, and some day I'm going to owe so many sleepovers and favors! I tear up every time I think about this amazing group of people.
• My friend who put together the care calendar so friends/family/neighbors/ could sign up to deliver us groceries as well as meals for the family several times a week. And to EVERYONE that did sign up. This small gesture of love relieved so much stress in our lives. Some of you signed up multiple times! A certain neighbor saved me every chemo week with homemade soup just for me! The friends from far away who called in pizza delivery. And those that sent gift cards instead so we could use as we needed. Especially the Subway cards...which I made Keith pick up for me every week during chemo.
• Several people deserve love for organizing fundraisers to support me throughout this process. Online and in person fundraisers were held, and the money raised was MUCH NEEDED to make a dent in the rising tide of medical bills. The students who attended and performed, their families who donated, friends, family, my dad's coworkers, random community members...everyone who donated in person or anonymously. Cannot express my gratitude enough!
• Our soccer family for seeing us through this process and always being supportive! It's the teenage boy's last year with this team and I will be sad to not see these people every week.
• The friends at work who organized the students into making a GIANT book of love, full of quotes, pictures, drawings, reading recommendations, poems, handwritten notes, and just a lot of love from my Evergreen family. It was completed and presented at just the right time last spring to keep me going during a pretty dark time.
• The wonderful friends who made sure we had a place to be last Christmas Eve. No one had any idea how I'd be right after that first round of chemo (other than REALLY depressed about not being in Hawaii), but they took care of all us and made the entire evening easy and full of love. I'd offer to return the favor this year, but they'll have to come to Hawaii to take me up on it.
• My dear friend who took charge of making sure Pantry Packs continued running smoothly. I will never be able to repay the favor for how she jumped in and made many things happen. Tearing up again...

Again, just some thoughts that come to my chemo-addled brain right now. So many people taking care of us, so little time to say thanks. Stay tuned this week for more!

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In Which I am Thankful For...Friendship

In the spirit of Thanksgiving, I thought that I would take this week to offer up a few glimpses into all that I am grateful for this year.

Please don't think that this list is exhaustive or all-inclusive by any means, but just some highlights of my gratitude over the past year...and they are not in order of importance, just how my chemo-addled brain remembers them.

I thought that I'd start it off by expressing my gratitude for friends far and wide, in every meaning of the word (friend, neighbor, coworker, etc.) for these gestures of friendship:

• I recently came across the mountain of cards and letters I received throughout this process. And I wish I'd had more time to read through them again and again (I was supposed to be cleaning and packing for vacation). There were funny ones, touching ones, notes written from the heart...all of them arrived at just the right moment to keep me going. Seriously, if you know someone going through any kind of health crisis, drop them a card, or two, or ten, in the mail. It does make a difference. Fighting cancer is an isolating experience in many ways, and even a quick note can bridge that gap and make a person feel loved.
• My librarian and publisher friends far and wide that kept me in goody boxes and books. I've heard rumors of an organized roster of who took care of me when, and I'm sure I know who was in charge, but these meant the world to me during my darkest days of chemo.
• Anyone who contributed to the angel tree or pumpkins on my porch (see previous posts on each of those events). Even though we don't do Christmas decorations in the Yusko household, I'm considering breaking out a tree just so I can hang the angels up again this year...and every year hereafter.
• Someone, or several someones, ordered me subscriptions to three or four different magazines (gratefully not food-related ones). A much-needed and appreciated distraction.
• Blankets, hats, and scarves made and/or given with love.
• Friends who motivated me to get out of the house by promising me lunch, or coffee, or drinks. And the friends who helped me get out of the house and get walking. Helping me just forget about being at the hospital every other day and allowing me to pretend to be normal for a little while. Definitely helped me keep my sanity some days! And for those that were there to raise a drink to small victories.
• Discovering friends that have been through and survived major illnesses of their own, who can offer support when no one else can. Because no one else really understands.
• Think what you want about Facebook, it has been a godsend during this process. No where else can you get immediate feedback in the form of: messages of support, commiseration to your crappy day, words of wisdom, and posts to make you laugh. You don't actually get tired of any of these things. Facebook is also good for allowing friends from far and wide, new and old, to connect. It's been great to be the recipient of this love.

Now, before you think I've forgotten all the other things that people did for us, never fear. I decided to split this post into two parts, so you'll have to stay tuned tomorrow for more...

Forever grateful...

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