tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-48271506517826467132024-03-06T19:34:14.995-08:00My Angry CancerBrownEyedGirl626http://www.blogger.com/profile/01903622442653169162noreply@blogger.comBlogger217125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4827150651782646713.post-60737730116177272022022-10-09T13:32:00.014-07:002022-10-12T16:57:58.601-07:00It's Been 10 Years...<p><span style="font-family: helvetica;">Wow. Cancer-versary #10. <br /><br />On this day ten years ago I received The Call. The call where you hear the word "cancer" and the rest of the conversation sounds like the teacher from Charlie Brown. You can read the post about that phone call <a href="http://myangrycancer.blogspot.com/2012/10/the-phone-call-of-doom.html" target="_blank">here</a> and/or how I reacted the next day <a href="http://myangrycancer.blogspot.com/2012/10/now-what.html" target="_blank">here</a>. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica;">Diagnosed with Stage 3 breast cancer, that call was the beginning of a JOURNEY that would eventually end with 20 weeks of chemo, 38 rounds of radiation, and more surgeries than I could keep track of. (Side note, when I fill out forms at doctors offices today and they want this information, I just laugh and write "too many to list"). The percentages weren't in my favor. And I know you're not supposed to look at statistics but I'm a science major so I couldn't help it. Statistics said my odds of surviving past five years were 65% (give or take).</span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><span>And then... I made it to five years, and six, and <a href="http://myangrycancer.blogspot.com/2019/10/musings-on-cancer-versary-vii.html" target="_blank">seven</a> (and wrote the first of my "TED Talks." If you have the time, you really should read it. </span>It’s admittedly long, but contains a lot of good updates, information, and even explains “cancer-versary.” It is also an on-going thank you to the people I can never repay). </span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><br />2020 was a dumpster fire on so many levels but it marked <a href="http://myangrycancer.blogspot.com/2020/10/welcome-to-my-ted-talk.html" target="_blank">eight years</a>. <br /><br />Last year... <a href="http://myangrycancer.blogspot.com/2021/10/cancer-versary-9.html" target="_blank">NINE YEARS</a>. One year away from the magical "ten year" cancer-versary. Each year I celebrated the milestone while also dreading my annual scans, afraid that my luck had run out. But also, totally prepared for the bad news that I was sure was coming. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica;">So imagine my... surprise?... when I realize that it is 2022 and I have hit the ten year mark.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica;">Ten. Motherfucking. Years. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica;">And my scan from this summer came back CLEAR. Fuck you, Cancer!</span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica;">"When are you writing the book?" It's the question I get asked a lot. If I don't get an invite to present a TED Talk soon, I will have to sit down and start writing. It's now my five year goal. I finally came up with the perfect title (well, a friend came up with the title... I'll give him credit in the author's note I swear). It's also something that I want you to know: "It's Okay to Cry in the Shower." <br /><br />And that is this year's advice.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica;">Believe me, there are lots of reasons you might find yourself crying in the shower. You know what? It's OKAY! There's a story very few people know and I'm sure it will be a chapter of that future book. It's the day, maybe 4 weeks? 6 weeks? into chemo, where I just couldn't get out of the shower to go to the hospital for my infusion. Could not. I was DONE. At the time I did not care that it meant I would probably die. I did not care that it probably made me a bad mother for not caring if I died. Because I was DONE with all of it. Done with doctors, and treatments, and feeling like I was dying. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica;">Obviously, I did get up the next day and I went to get that round of chemo. And all the rest of them. I powered through what would become almost another year of treatments and surgeries. And even more years of scans, and meds that made me crazy, and follow-up appointments. People called me: Warrior. Inspiration. Survivor. Badass. Believe me, I will take all those labels and proudly own them. But I want you to know this: while you probably think it's great that I got up the next day and continued my treatments... <b>I want you to know that it was completely okay for me to say that I was done. </b></span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><span>2022 has been a GREAT year for me and my crew! Weddings and grandkids. Life, love, and laughter. TRAVEL. Concerts. Travel for concerts. Sunsets and moonrises. So much time spent on my lanai with people that I adore. I say it every year: life is too short my friends. It really is. And I've been trying to live mine to the fullest. (See some pictures at the end of this post).<span> <br /> <br /><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span></span></span><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGCvzPXApS9oyWyjCShN82-1_HJ3DjCZF3KSOobutFuJThRvBp4XVH5TRf8xIKSWKYj63alyKvCq56JIkWYOvpfa_teBiidtxYgMj0CrkXhwjWK5UBbB2P7bPyXJoXjpu4g55etLcUjtoAzgVL4TSEib00JQdyW7fxz6t48Wu1cz9O-QyXJ65XTKL7kQ/s4032/Vacation.jpg" style="font-weight: 700; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="170" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGCvzPXApS9oyWyjCShN82-1_HJ3DjCZF3KSOobutFuJThRvBp4XVH5TRf8xIKSWKYj63alyKvCq56JIkWYOvpfa_teBiidtxYgMj0CrkXhwjWK5UBbB2P7bPyXJoXjpu4g55etLcUjtoAzgVL4TSEib00JQdyW7fxz6t48Wu1cz9O-QyXJ65XTKL7kQ/w128-h170/Vacation.jpg" width="128" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgWUOrOFevbZQ_CTW09VZZP4Z4A2-kqWaKZCgzQZYktWCfGb6nH_jpD4J4Vz8iYWd3PdRgx_-1oiyZU_aVAF9yh1WvwnQU6sX8qTHnJ3ZGWa0PbBnwTn14gcNRj658tkpMTbrnNmbatJIWlf-KMIDlBItUL7VerwLzdK1Uw7d_KydjrxI2lPfVumFXcQ/s4032/Full%20Moon.jpg" style="font-weight: 700; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="172" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgWUOrOFevbZQ_CTW09VZZP4Z4A2-kqWaKZCgzQZYktWCfGb6nH_jpD4J4Vz8iYWd3PdRgx_-1oiyZU_aVAF9yh1WvwnQU6sX8qTHnJ3ZGWa0PbBnwTn14gcNRj658tkpMTbrnNmbatJIWlf-KMIDlBItUL7VerwLzdK1Uw7d_KydjrxI2lPfVumFXcQ/w129-h172/Full%20Moon.jpg" width="129" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjf040A3peilhkRhUq1qf9EQPeGJxq6xhe7JV5ieJMHGZGDqKrgqL9Y_0lLrOHr5-Pf9SGH7Mfej-AnkS0D094cW2DDWsfzDDMtUcPAWt5bgEZ9atna1bitA5vRxfE2l1_sEb-LD8tfeu8BMY_8QcLlwfUjjT8oNbOfIMsAR6xFSNsvgG6AXf6cQWHSIQ/s4032/Funny%20Face.jpg" style="font-weight: 700; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="172" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjf040A3peilhkRhUq1qf9EQPeGJxq6xhe7JV5ieJMHGZGDqKrgqL9Y_0lLrOHr5-Pf9SGH7Mfej-AnkS0D094cW2DDWsfzDDMtUcPAWt5bgEZ9atna1bitA5vRxfE2l1_sEb-LD8tfeu8BMY_8QcLlwfUjjT8oNbOfIMsAR6xFSNsvgG6AXf6cQWHSIQ/w129-h172/Funny%20Face.jpg" width="129" /></a><br /><span><br /></span><span>This past week I got to raise a glass with just a few of the people that got me through it all. And I spent this weekend celebrating with my kids and grandkids. So many people have said... "wow, you look great. You know what? You look HAPPY." Because, guess what? I finally am happy! </span><span style="color: #454545;">Don't wait for "some day" my friends. You should be LIVING life...to the fullest...EVERY DAY. Always.<br /></span><span><br />Without further ado, thank </span><span>you for indulging a girl her annual TED Talk:</span></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 20.8px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><i><b><u>Advice from 2013:</u></b></i><br />Be happy. <span style="font-size: x-small;">(Funny that I wrote this in 2013. That's a whole other chapter of the book).</span></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 20.8px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><span></span><br /></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;">Say I love you. </span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 20.8px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><span></span><br /></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;">Be thankful. </span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 20.8px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><span></span><br /></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;">Don't take anything, or ANYONE, for granted. </span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 20.8px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><span></span><br /></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;">Do what you love. </span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 20.8px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><span></span><br /></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;">Don't wait for "someday." </span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 20.8px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><span></span><br /></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;">Oh, and eat dessert first.</span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 20.8px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><span></span><br /></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica; font-style: italic;"><b><u>Edited in 2015 to add:</u></b></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><br />Go because you can. TAKE THE DAMN TRIPS.</span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 20.8px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><span></span><br /></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;">Because why not?! (Make this your mantra!)</span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 20.8px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><span></span><br /></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;">WEAR SUNSCREEN!</span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 20.8px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><span></span><br /></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica; font-style: italic;"><b><u>Edited in 2019 to add:</u></b></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 20.8px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><span></span><br /></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;">Get all the tattoos.</span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 20.8px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><span></span><br /></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;">Watch ALL the sunsets.</span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><br /></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><i><b><u>Edited in 2020 to add:</u></b></i></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><br /></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;">Re-connect with your people. Take the time, have the conversations, enjoy the laughter.</span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><br /></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;">See the shows, watch the concerts, go to the games.</span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><br /></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;">Don't accept BULLSHIT. </span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><br /></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;">And it bears repeating: FIND THE PEOPLE WHO MAKE YOU LAUGH. And who love you unconditionally. </span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><br /></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><i><b><u>Edited in 2021 to add...</u></b></i></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><br /></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;">Pink songs helped me through a LOT over the years. But this one? Damn, I don't think a song has ever spoken to me so much. And so that's the advice for 2021:</span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica;">"Stay unfiltered and loud.<br />Be proud of that skin full of scars." <br /><br />I wouldn't trade mine for the world. <br /></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="194" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/wGj9oADcyRs" width="233" youtube-src-id="wGj9oADcyRs"></iframe></span></div><p><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><span style="color: #454545;">And so, my friends, please take a moment and r</span><span style="color: #454545;">aise a glass, eat the cupcake, read the book, and chase the sunset. Do it for me, but do it for YOURSELF. I'll leave you with this quote, which finally became a tattoo: </span></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><br /></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><span><b><i>"Don't be afraid of death; be afraid of an unlived life. You don't have to life forever, you just have to live." --Natalie Babbitt, Tuck Everlasting<br /><br /></i></b><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPkbeiuG6b494m3XB2qYdYifAHCPpAmFuC46h7agbV0IFoX9YxwLxT9dPsWie5Uc25bRjKZkiTofpfd9uF9lMIgdvG8kKlwzexttB3ElllL07ggO_VHXkU4F39UXmKPXwr63IXwLomvwd3gZBW1fdr7K50El0e-nJon1Zv_AcQaxXhNDztceFhrKLQhw/s1297/Tattoo.png" style="font-weight: 700; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1297" data-original-width="1125" height="174" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPkbeiuG6b494m3XB2qYdYifAHCPpAmFuC46h7agbV0IFoX9YxwLxT9dPsWie5Uc25bRjKZkiTofpfd9uF9lMIgdvG8kKlwzexttB3ElllL07ggO_VHXkU4F39UXmKPXwr63IXwLomvwd3gZBW1fdr7K50El0e-nJon1Zv_AcQaxXhNDztceFhrKLQhw/w151-h174/Tattoo.png" width="151" /><span> <span> </span></span></a></span><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrf6FeM8OR3JYhAZ4urIxhhmkvEZ_ivh9ZmdsopK-kLoUSBI3fHyJVEUo2HlvU00akBTlEL9OunFw60bf6S9lCaOW6X_2ORs1EJB5o9pQHVzVTHb7rPdOo5BoLj2JK1JxliJQswYDpRtzj66XUn6GBF-hxL_TOiHbex_hyaoFHtpYDVfAsi4se3qzqqA/s2400/My%20Crew%202.jpg" style="font-weight: 700; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2378" data-original-width="2400" height="157" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrf6FeM8OR3JYhAZ4urIxhhmkvEZ_ivh9ZmdsopK-kLoUSBI3fHyJVEUo2HlvU00akBTlEL9OunFw60bf6S9lCaOW6X_2ORs1EJB5o9pQHVzVTHb7rPdOo5BoLj2JK1JxliJQswYDpRtzj66XUn6GBF-hxL_TOiHbex_hyaoFHtpYDVfAsi4se3qzqqA/w159-h157/My%20Crew%202.jpg" width="159" /><span> <span> </span></span></a><img border="0" data-original-height="2617" data-original-width="2078" height="177" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHV9PyW2JdsjtjO3iz3gZ3Nm665I4PQUxaFRDmgMj1U4ijAQD_Y4VXCCGISyyNPOjh5O50mM0fmrW73cLCic-t7A2NHFJ7ILF2LoN_gIgisrLpu2UEK5fCiZwB0G-AEHddV2_qPYQAiwI6KbDkzmFuDwtkzqTBTq0XJU6GDDtLGR_lEX1CHboXwA-_ug/w141-h177/My%20Crew.jpg" width="141" /><br /><br /><br /></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6FNnucihxsrlxwRqdxbDSvVdjW54IausMkwNTpLIPozUOh9rBOLVkJVB5p0ChPsJI4rnLhz4o4FCSIPmZuZlNsQnEpb67GlxFSduB0b0ZIEJzqGP0rLCBb0N6T4fDV8IJw0XaxweiUOtEmdQf9mwNPqRUtOu0jkEdEkBMOT8Ey4WC05HzDNKm7j-LYA/s3088/My%20Crew%205.jpg" style="clear: left; display: inline; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3088" data-original-width="2316" height="154" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6FNnucihxsrlxwRqdxbDSvVdjW54IausMkwNTpLIPozUOh9rBOLVkJVB5p0ChPsJI4rnLhz4o4FCSIPmZuZlNsQnEpb67GlxFSduB0b0ZIEJzqGP0rLCBb0N6T4fDV8IJw0XaxweiUOtEmdQf9mwNPqRUtOu0jkEdEkBMOT8Ey4WC05HzDNKm7j-LYA/w116-h154/My%20Crew%205.jpg" width="116" /><span> </span></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5M42IGLVGToxftZUeO0M_2TNYHJhPwkSQkPbUh9ZXM0GQzFwDLBosm0Zho-reQJQYLAc3nQ5PSNjq5iiNeY9V4s0hda6aTJ24Ivhi2DlEeOxjhNZaDqIkKtxFxGhZavND6VlYVlSrTrTH6IzR3ESqvmOW7eb3nqM51PIDmmhvAu1YyboLEdIFkUcd4g/s3088/New%20Baby.jpg" style="font-weight: 700; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3088" data-original-width="2316" height="148" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5M42IGLVGToxftZUeO0M_2TNYHJhPwkSQkPbUh9ZXM0GQzFwDLBosm0Zho-reQJQYLAc3nQ5PSNjq5iiNeY9V4s0hda6aTJ24Ivhi2DlEeOxjhNZaDqIkKtxFxGhZavND6VlYVlSrTrTH6IzR3ESqvmOW7eb3nqM51PIDmmhvAu1YyboLEdIFkUcd4g/w111-h148/New%20Baby.jpg" width="111" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijz7LBB1YuAIQg1hGcT5r5CJvpopDzN4XX5BAoW9aFcx8bf1S7essWWS8tTJSdF_byma7EDm7ZhJrth30NHYlMEQ2sOPbYRqtOpeD1xJBWxHv2Zj54qOTk6NvyuzjPpnWu9LixuqD_FgM1FluTKrbJt_h1Q_H7lnSupNFdylPuFmJRI9U41PdXxmixBg/s3199/My%20Crew%204.jpg" style="font-weight: 700; 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text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><b></b></span></div><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><b><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnsnKhAOwRDj4FRVH629Px3xjg5hoY4BeUiqVP2D1uacJcFInJij2hXTcxbhVKxBYA0Q9M5C7Qo89oPyC-SXqrQocxmWNKsgdh4fbktBmaB7yiItIFlpMMtvOGF0kdLyx7SOYI1w9a4CHsfIT_k6aw4HlEt0NoaU3tZVPbCd9aLpJXz5GZ91Gi8lVMSg/s3683/Rehearsal%20dinner%20crew.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3683" data-original-width="2768" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnsnKhAOwRDj4FRVH629Px3xjg5hoY4BeUiqVP2D1uacJcFInJij2hXTcxbhVKxBYA0Q9M5C7Qo89oPyC-SXqrQocxmWNKsgdh4fbktBmaB7yiItIFlpMMtvOGF0kdLyx7SOYI1w9a4CHsfIT_k6aw4HlEt0NoaU3tZVPbCd9aLpJXz5GZ91Gi8lVMSg/w150-h200/Rehearsal%20dinner%20crew.jpg" width="150" /></a> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6Cd2RAKqSIC-Je0XDTPe7HcLIx45_yMGeSQms2RGj-SyEOZG2hdtapbGNEcKhYoEJBRDJpYQyHCt_omhyWrKku04KJshwuAicwVjMGlDayLfJxVTtKzUxE9uBy_yOTB2GbYNi4EyeouFaiAWq9w_toYAc88ohiwFgQsdX1LRWWjAFSsVQYz_zaU7PNw/s4032/Vacation%202.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6Cd2RAKqSIC-Je0XDTPe7HcLIx45_yMGeSQms2RGj-SyEOZG2hdtapbGNEcKhYoEJBRDJpYQyHCt_omhyWrKku04KJshwuAicwVjMGlDayLfJxVTtKzUxE9uBy_yOTB2GbYNi4EyeouFaiAWq9w_toYAc88ohiwFgQsdX1LRWWjAFSsVQYz_zaU7PNw/w150-h200/Vacation%202.jpg" width="150" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDTg0601yn_Wzj3KwQXTiFoAeh7mUn09rXDl27UGzD2h5X4dwoAp5gGOzmZAv2kKiUsNxvoH5e_wAxEogRFyiflffESjq2X137RVYx_Zz9bT1Hw0OZQ7lwzpqPuHTbz4pHtMm8kuDRRN9tLqs6YBb_0VsDgcXyjaJFKDVtDFFtBEm0Cm0lZQekwM_oyg/s4032/NKOTB.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDTg0601yn_Wzj3KwQXTiFoAeh7mUn09rXDl27UGzD2h5X4dwoAp5gGOzmZAv2kKiUsNxvoH5e_wAxEogRFyiflffESjq2X137RVYx_Zz9bT1Hw0OZQ7lwzpqPuHTbz4pHtMm8kuDRRN9tLqs6YBb_0VsDgcXyjaJFKDVtDFFtBEm0Cm0lZQekwM_oyg/w150-h200/NKOTB.jpg" width="150" /></a></div></b></span><p></p>BrownEyedGirl626http://www.blogger.com/profile/01903622442653169162noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4827150651782646713.post-57307515011431578992021-10-09T17:13:00.001-07:002021-10-09T17:13:11.078-07:00Cancer-versary #9<p><span style="font-family: verdana;">I am sitting here on the lanai, looking at the ocean (well, at least where the ocean would be if the vog wasn't so bad today) and drinking coffee at noon on a Saturday because I've become the person that is cold in Hawaii in October if there's a breeze. I know, it's a tough life. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">And part of me wonders how exactly I got here. Not just HERE: happy in Hawaii, my kids grown and flown and making their mark on the world, the most adorable grandson EVER. But also, how am I here on the 9th anniversary of my cancer diagnosis?</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Nine years. Wow. What a journey it has been. You can scroll down and read my past Cancer-versary posts to see updates over the years... please read the last two for sure if you have the time. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Sometimes I wonder why I keep writing these posts... why I even keep this blog "live." And then, last week at work, a co-worker came up to me and said, "I found your blog." And except for our mutual adoration of all things Hamilton, I did not know that her and I had been through the same journey. And in the past year or so, 4 friends have been diagnosed with cancer. And it makes me angry that any of you have to go through this. But, I am so glad that I am here for you. That you call me. And so, I keep writing.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Today is about realizing that I wouldn't change anything about how I got here. There's a lot of unknowns in my life as I sit here today... when am I finally going to take that sabbati</span><span style="font-family: verdana;">cal and write the book? Will I ever not feel broken? </span><span style="font-family: verdana;">What advice could I possible add to the list this year?</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">But I do know this: life is <span style="color: #454545;">too short my friends. It really is. <br /><span style="color: #454545;"><br />Don't wait for "some day." You should be LIVING life...to the fullest...EVERY DAY. Always. </span><span style="color: #454545;">Most days you can find me enjoying the view from my lanai, or my ass parked on a beach for sunset. Because it makes me happy. </span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Without further ado, thank </span><span style="font-family: verdana;">you for indulging a girl her annual TED Talk:</span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 20.8px;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><i><b><u>Advice from 2013:</u></b></i><br />Be happy. </span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 20.8px;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span></span><br /></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Say I love you. </span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 20.8px;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span></span><br /></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Be thankful. </span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 20.8px;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span></span><br /></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Don't take anything, or ANYONE, for granted. </span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 20.8px;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span></span><br /></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Do what you love. </span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 20.8px;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span></span><br /></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Don't wait for "someday." </span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 20.8px;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span></span><br /></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Oh, and eat dessert first.</span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 20.8px;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span></span><br /></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-style: italic;"><b><u>Edited in 2015 to add:</u></b></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><br />Go because you can. TAKE THE DAMN TRIPS</span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 20.8px;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span></span><br /></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Because why not?! (Make this your mantra!)</span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 20.8px;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span></span><br /></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">WEAR SUNSCREEN!</span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 20.8px;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span></span><br /></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-style: italic;"><b><u>Edited in 2019 to add:</u></b></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 20.8px;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span></span><br /></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Get all the tattoos.</span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 20.8px;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span></span><br /></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Watch ALL the sunsets.</span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><i><b><u>Edited in 2020 to add:</u></b></i></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Re-connect with your people. Take the time, have the conversations, enjoy the laughter.</span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">See the shows, watch the concerts, go to the games.</span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Don't accept BULLSHIT. </span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">And it bears repeating: FIND THE PEOPLE WHO MAKE YOU LAUGH. And who love you unconditionally. </span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><i><b><u>Edited in 2021 to add...</u></b></i></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">As you know, Pink songs have helped me through a LOT over the years. But this one? Damn, I don't think a song has ever spoken to me so much. And so maybe that's the advice I'll add this year:</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">"Stay unfiltered and loud. <br />Be proud of that skin full of scars." I wouldn't trade mine for the world. <br /><br /><br /></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/wGj9oADcyRs" width="320" youtube-src-id="wGj9oADcyRs"></iframe></span></div><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><br /><span style="color: #454545;">And so, my friends, please take a moment and r</span><span style="color: #454545;">aise a glass, eat the cupcake, read the book, and chase the sunset. Do it for me, but do it for YOURSELF. I'll leave you with this quote, which finally became a tattoo this past year: </span></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><b><i>"Don't be afraid of death; be afraid of an unlived life. You don't have to life forever, you just have to live." --Natalie Babbitt, Tuck Everlasting</i></b></span></p><p><br /></p>BrownEyedGirl626http://www.blogger.com/profile/01903622442653169162noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4827150651782646713.post-79848769865505922742020-10-09T13:57:00.000-07:002020-10-09T13:57:36.365-07:00Welcome to my TED Talk<p><span style="font-family: helvetica;">Earlier this year I was asked if I ever talk to groups of people about my cancer story like I do about books. And I’m not gonna lie, it got me thinking. Over the years, so many of you have asked for THE BOOK, but now I wonder if TED Talk isn’t a better goal? Or both? I’m not entirely sure but it does make me think...</span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica;">But then I’m also the person, here on Cancer-versary #8, realizing that I am not exceptional. I’ve lost several friends to cancer in the last few years, and I think, why did I survive? Who could possibly want to hear my story? Honestly, I’m just an incredibly lucky girl who went through hell and came out the other side.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica;">And I don’t like to say cancer changed me, but it did change how I view the world. And it taught me about what is important... and what is NOT. And every year I offer you some of my hard-fought wisdom, so I hope that you will indulge a girl a few moments of reflection.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica;">Looking back on this blog, which I think I will likely only update annually, you should really <a href="http://myangrycancer.blogspot.com/2019/10/musings-on-cancer-versary-vii.html" target="_blank">read last year’s post.</a> It’s admittedly long, but contains a lot of good updates, information, and even explains “cancer-versary.” But I will say a few additional things today... </span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica;">1) I say it every year, but today I always think about several people in my life. The ones that donated all the sick leave so that I could stay home for almost an entire school year. I will never be able to repay that kindness. And I will always know that not having to stress about work or money or health care made a HUGE difference. You know who you are... I cannot thank you enough. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica;">2) People ask how I’m doing:</span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica;">Oh, there are residual things like neuropathy, fucked-up tastebuds, joint issues, osteoporosis... basically things that are annoying and make me feel BROKEN sometimes, but I can deal. I always say that chemo is the gift that keeps on giving. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica;">I stopped taking any meds a few years ago, which will probably come back to bite me in the ass some day, but whatever. I still drink Diet Coke, which will also probably kill me. Sometimes it’s simply about LIVING the life that is best for you. Risk vs reward and all that. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica;">On a positive note, this past week I finally hit a weight loss milestone: I am back to what I call my "fighting weight." My pre-cancer/chemo/steroids/menopause weight. I’ve lost 20 pounds since January, which is something I never thought I’d be able to do. It feels pretty fantastic ... one positive side effect of the pandemic I guess. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica;">3) PSA: </span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica;">For those that may not know it, PTSD is a thing, and not just limited to soldiers. I have triggers and it’ll hit me every now and then. And just when you think you’ve finally gotten to a place where you are far removed from the experiences and haven't had an attack in forever, 2 things trigger you at once, and you end up CRYING at school and yelling at people who don’t even know your story. So, yeah, basically good times. And I tell you this not for your sympathy, but simply to say, JUST BE KIND to people. You have no idea how hard I tried to keep it together before having that panic attack because I am NOT typically a crier. But I just had to cry and breathe and walk it off. And the people around me asked what I needed, and then gave me the space to deal. Because I honestly don’t need hugs and sympathy in that situation, I just need to deal with my shit. And they let me. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica;">PSA #2: don’t be afraid to be vulnerable in front of people. See above.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica;">4) I get so mad we haven't cured this cancer bullshit yet. And I'm not sure "grateful" is the right word here, but I am glad that when people I know are staring down the madness and unknown of a possible diagnosis, that they reach out. DO NOT EVER BE AFRAID TO REACH OUT TO ME. I will always be here for you... even if you just need distraction and sarcasm. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica;">5) Updates on last year’s post:</span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica;">I renewed my passport! Even had an awesome solo trip to watch the Tour de France in July booked. But Covid canceled that. No worries... it’ll happen.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica;">I have (hopefully) limited the crazy in my life.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica;">I have found a path to happiness and it feels fantastic! And maybe my new blog? </span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica;">This is the point in the post where I copy what I wrote on the first anniversary of my diagnosis. But I’m not going to do that this year, because it’s easy enough to find, especially if you’re going to scroll and read what I wrote last year anyway. But I will copy the advice! </span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica;">If you have no other takeaways from my experience I hope you realize that there are no guarantees. We may or may not get a tomorrow, so PLEASE don’t take life for granted. Don’t save anything for a “special occasion.” </span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitDU28KHeJrvEYjfWMtiwQphwgWrPSLFMZ6q6a7fPonWSvUmsFc7mTfr5Ujt6kq2hb76rtCrDDGfA_fTcsymusRODQDHH40WhRjYgjoruMhH0i4mjXiM-YIzqW02GFOMBqWIDRyBKzdA9I/s1125/2F122FE5-B6FA-46EA-8B0F-707F40A0D1DF.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1102" data-original-width="1125" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitDU28KHeJrvEYjfWMtiwQphwgWrPSLFMZ6q6a7fPonWSvUmsFc7mTfr5Ujt6kq2hb76rtCrDDGfA_fTcsymusRODQDHH40WhRjYgjoruMhH0i4mjXiM-YIzqW02GFOMBqWIDRyBKzdA9I/s320/2F122FE5-B6FA-46EA-8B0F-707F40A0D1DF.jpeg" width="320" /></a> </span></div><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><br /> </span><span style="color: #454545; font-family: helvetica;">What I want to say most importantly today is that I have learned that life's too short my friends. It really is. And you should be LIVING it...to the fullest...everyday. Always. </span><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 20.8px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><span></span><br /></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;">Be happy. </span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 20.8px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><span></span><br /></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;">Say I love you. </span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 20.8px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><span></span><br /></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;">Be thankful. </span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 20.8px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><span></span><br /></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;">Don't take anything, or ANYONE, for granted. </span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 20.8px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><span></span><br /></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;">Do what you love. </span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 20.8px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><span></span><br /></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;">Don't wait for "someday." </span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 20.8px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><span></span><br /></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;">Oh, and eat dessert first.</span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 20.8px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><span></span><br /></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica; font-style: italic;">Edited in 2015 to add:</span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;">Go because you can. TAKE THE DAMN TRIPS (okay, that might have to wait now, but someday...)</span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 20.8px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><span></span><br /></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;">Because why not?! (Make this your mantra like it is mine)</span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 20.8px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><span></span><br /></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;">WEAR SUNSCREEN!</span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 20.8px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><span></span><br /></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica; font-style: italic;">Edited in 2019 to add:</span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 20.8px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><span></span><br /></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;">Get all the tattoos.</span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 20.8px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><span></span><br /></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;">Watch ALL the sunsets.</span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><br /></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><i>Edited in 2020 to add:</i></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><br /></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;">Re-connect with your people. Take the time, have the conversations, enjoy the laughter.</span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><br /></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;">See the shows, watch the concerts, go to the games (again, someday and hopefully ASAP).</span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><br /></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;">Don't accept BULLSHIT. </span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><br /></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;">And it bears repeating: FIND THE PEOPLE WHO MAKE YOU LAUGH. And who love you unconditionally. </span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><br /></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><br /></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;">And so, my friends, please take this day and r</span><span style="font-family: helvetica;">aise a glass, eat the cupcake, read the book, and chase the sunset. Do it for me, but do it for YOURSELF. I'll leave you with this quote, which is also one of my next tattoos: </span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><br /></span></p><p style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><b><i>"Don't be afraid of death; be afraid of an unlived life. You don't have to life forever, you just have to live." --Natalie Babbitt, Tuck Everlasting</i></b></span></p>BrownEyedGirl626http://www.blogger.com/profile/01903622442653169162noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4827150651782646713.post-57795410152144052052019-10-09T20:46:00.001-07:002022-10-12T16:54:15.802-07:00Musings on Cancer-versary VII<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">It has been a looooong time since I last posted. In fact, it's been years. I've been keeping up with social media and a lot of my thoughts have gone on Facebook over the years. (My library musings are over on my library blog). But I basically abandoned the story of my cancer journey. </span><br />
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<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">One of the main reasons I stopped posting here was that someone stole my words to pass them off as her own (fake) journey. I'm guessing to take advantage of the kindness of others. So, I made the decision not to give her any more details to take. (Don't worry, I have faith that karma will come back for her if it hasn't already). </span><br />
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<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">The other big reason I stopped updating here is, well, eventually life moves on. And you pack up and move to a place where no one knows what you going through treatments looks like, and it just doesn't come up in conversation a lot, and you dare to dream that PERHAPS you have gotten through the worst of it. That you might just make it to that magical "5 Year" mark which some think makes you a "survivor."</span><br />
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<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">And then it happens. That 5-year-post-treatment date that once seemed so elusive comes...and goes. And you kind of can't believe it. I hit that mark this past December and other than pausing to reflect as New Year's 2019 rolled in, I didn't say too much about it to anyone, anywhere.</span><br />
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<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">Now, here I am at Cancerversary #7. SEVEN years since I was first diagnosed. And I find myself with a mess of "notes to self" for future blog posts stored up in my phone. Life has sure been a roller coaster but I still believe those things I typed way back on Cancerversary #1 (copied below for your perusal). Apologies in advance for the LONG post that is about to follow, but there's just so many things that I want to say to "update" that first post.</span><br />
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<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif"><b>1) WHAT IS A CANCERVERSARY? <br />And why would you celebrate it?<br /></b></span><br />
<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">If this is your first time reading this blog, Cancerversary is the anniversary of the day I was diagnosed: October 9, 2012. After being told for months, "you're so young, it can't possibly be cancer, "this is the day I got "the call." (Read the copied post below to find out about that day). Every October 9th since then, I try to make it a point to pause and reflect on how my life has changed since the diagnosis. And to celebrate this day as a turning point to living the dream. </span><br />
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<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">It's always been an interesting day for me because October 9th is also a friend's birthday. And every year when Facebook reminds me of both events all I remember is that day when I found out and thinking how I couldn't tell him because I didn't want to ruin his birthday. Yes, we laugh about the things that go through your head when you hear the "C" word.<br /></span><br />
<b style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">2) CONNECTING WITH THE PEOPLE WHO KNOW WHAT YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH.<br /></b><br />
<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">I know that I've shared my story, sometimes in great detail (hence someone being able to steal my posts). I also had a platoon of people taking care of me. PLEASE know that I am NOT saying that you can't empathize with or understand all the things that I'm saying unless you've stared down a cancer diagnosis. But...it's a little bit true. For me, there's strength in connecting with others that have been through the clusterfuck that is cancer. For being able to raise a glass at a reunion with a fellow survivor and you just don't need to say anything because you both know it means, "you understand the bullshit that got us here." For sharing a hug with another survivor that means "you're here...I'm here..." For sitting with a friend who's been through it all too and you can say, "I hate the meds. I stopped taking them. I don't care." And they GET IT. There's no judgement. <br /><br />I have a great group of family and friends that supported me through the worst of it, and still do. They are my PEOPLE and I love them. But there are just those people in the group who I will always connect with on a totally different level. I mean, I wish we weren't all in the same club, but it helps to know that they've got your back always. Because FUCK CANCER.</span><br />
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<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif"><b>3) THE PEOPLE YOU CAN NEVER REPAY.<br /></b></span><br />
<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">There are several people in my life that I always think about on this day, and know that I can never repay them. These are the people that donated SO MUCH SICK LEAVE so that I could stay home for basically an entire school year and focus on healing. There will never be enough words to thank them. You know who you are. </span><br />
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<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif"><b>4) CANCER SUCKS.<br /></b></span><br />
<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">Thanks Captain Obvious. But what I really mean is, why the FUCK is this still impacting people we know and love? While I know many of you have battled cancer before me, after me, or are currently in the fight, and you know I LOVE YOU ALL, these are the people specifically on my mind today:</span><br />
<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">- the VERY first person I told about my diagnosis is currently battling cancer. </span><br />
<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">- a former student who is the same age as my own kid was diagnosed a few years ago.</span><br />
<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">- the one person whose journey I clung to with hope, believing "if they can survive, then I can too" passed away from a recurrence a few years ago and it still hurts.</span><br />
<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">- a friend who had a blanket made for me (and blessed by her church) for hospital chemo days recently lost her own battle with cancer. I regret being too far away to be as supportive as I could have been; for not digging into storage to find that blanket and send it to her. For thinking that we would have more time. </span><span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif"><br /></span>
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<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif"><b>5) CANCER SUCKS, part 2.<br /> </b><br />I recently went to my high school reunion. It was great to be there and see the people who knew you when were an awkward, nerdy, teenager with bad 80s hair. But it was loud and chaotic and tough to really sit and talk story with people. But there was one person I got to spend a minute with and I wish I'd said what I really wanted to say, but I was kind of afraid to tear up. We had been friends since 7th grade, but lost touch (except on Facebook) after graduation. And then, when I posted about my diagnosis all those years later, his was one of the first messages of support I received. And it was filled with words like "you're a competitor...a Redmond Mustang through and through...you have friends and prayers coming your way...I know you are tackling this with the same approach I have seen from you many times over." And it just meant so much in the moment. </span><br />
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<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">When I saw him at the reunion, he gave me a hug and a high 5 and he said, "you did it. You're here." And it means even more now because he gets it. He lost his mother to cancer. </span><br />
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<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif"><b>6) HEALTH CARE BLUES.<br />Or, what I wouldn't give for a clean scan. <br />Or, I'd like to get off this roller coaster.</b><br /><br />I've been binge-watching Outlander (among other shows) on Netflix and I find myself saying "Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ" quite a bit lately. For anyone that's been playing along on my journey, you know that I have a hate-hate relationship with scans of any kind. I hate them, they never give me a definitive result...I feel like I'm always hoping for a clean scan and end up getting "suspicious" results instead. </span><br />
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<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">Fast forward to a few weeks ago, when I'm scheduled for my first MRI since hitting that "5 year mark." I could do a whole post on "scan-ticipation". In fact, I probably have. It's stressful to always be thinking, "what if?" Last year's scan was "suspicious" but not "concerning." (ALSO, I HATE ALL THESE WORDS AND DOCTORS SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO USE THEM!). This year's scan was actually suspicious AND concerning enough to warrant a follow-up ultrasound at my "earliest possible convenience." So, that was an awesome long weekend of worrying. BTW, said ultrasound alleviated some of the concerns but now I'm on a watch-and-see-come-back-in-3-months pattern. I just can't seem to get off this roller coaster.<br /></span><br />
<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif"><b>7) AM I DIFFERENT?<br /></b></span><br />
<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">In many ways, I'd like to think that I'm not all that different fundamentally. I feel like I've always spoken my mind, at least to the people that know me. But maybe that's not true. Maybe I have changed. But, I don't care...maybe that's the difference.<br />I have ZERO time in my life for bullshit. <br />I'm just gonna walk away from crazy.<br />Take me or leave me, but this is me.</span><br />
<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">There are lots of "lessons learned" which you can read below. As I'm typing this, I realize that even I'm not living up to my mantras. I let my passport expire. I haven't done any of the big trips I wanted to do. I have crazy in my life. I'm not happy all the time. But I'm refocusing. Starting with that passport renewal!</span><br />
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<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">And you know what? I can see the ocean from my bedroom. My baby is graduating from high school. And I'm a grandma. So life isn't all bad.</span><br />
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<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif"><b>8) THERE ARE NO GUARANTEES! </b><br /><br />I hope that if you've read this far you understand that. We may or may not get a tomorrow. Please don't take life for granted. Get the drinks, see the shows, take the trips, re-connect, watch the sunsets, eat the desserts, LOVE YOUR PEOPLE.</span><br />
<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif"><br /></span><span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif"><b>9) I AM HERE!<br /></b></span><br />
<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">It's not really news that I'm a HUGE fan of Pink. Her songs always get me through whatever crazy is going on in my life. But one song in particular is kind of my new attitude toward life. (Okay, not necessarily word for word, but the overall tone). </span><br />
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<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif"><i>"...I open up my heart</i></span><br />
<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif"><i>You can love me or not...</i></span><br />
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<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif"><i>...I like whisky on ice, I like sun in my eyes</i></span><br />
<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif"><i>I wanna burn it all down, so let's start a fire...</i></span><br />
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<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif"><i>...I am here, I am here</i></span><br />
<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif"><i>I've already seen the bottom so there's nothing to fear..."<br /></i></span><br />
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<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif"><br /></span><span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif"><b>10) And finally, for the love of all that is holy, THINK BEFORE YOU PINK! (The other pink...)</b><br /><br />I am not a fan of Pink-tober. (Which is also an entire post I'm pretty sure I've already written). If you want to make an actual difference, don't buy all the pink stuff. INSTEAD:</span><br />
<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif"><br />-FUND RESEARCH. Figure out who's actually doing it and make a donation.<br />-Donate to a friend/family member's GoFundMe or ask how you can help. I have ideas, ask me.<br />-Participate in a Relay for Life.</span><br />
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<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">When I re-read the post from my first cancerversary, I realize that I will just keep posting that every year, because I still mean all of those words, and everyone still asks what it was like to get THAT phone call. </span></div>
<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif"><span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif"><br /></span><span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">I still believe it all. If you aren't doing something that you love, with the people that you love, in a place that you love, WHY THE HELL NOT?! You should be happy! (Note to self...that means you too). </span></span><br />
<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif"><span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif"><br /></span><span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">There is something to celebrate about every day...find it.</span></span><br />
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<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">And now, as promised, my post from Cancerversary #1, 10/9/13: </span><br />
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<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">One year ago today I was sitting at my desk after school when my cell phone rang. It was my now-ex-husband, telling me the doctor had called the house looking for me but wouldn't leave a message. (I didn't tell him at that moment, but that was actually the point that I knew it was bad news. When the doctor is trying to track you down IMMEDIATELY, it's really not a good thing). What felt like 5 seconds later, the surgeon was calling me with the news: cancer. And everything else she said after that word was, "blah, blah, blah...cancer...blah, blah, blah, surgery...blah, blah, blah." Seriously, it really was like the Charlie Brown teacher talking. You DO NOT hear anything after the "C" word.</span><br />
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<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">I hung up the phone, sat at my desk for a moment, and then went home. (After telling someone why I wouldn't be at work the next day). I spent maybe 10 minutes trying to decide if I was going to tell my now-ex-husband before or after he got into his GIANT truck and drove to referee a high school soccer game. I should've been nicer, but misery loves company, so I told him. And that was the beginning of our crazy cancer journey. </span><br />
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<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">I am still dealing with it every day and really not in the frame of mind to wax poetic about my thoughts.</span><br />
<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif"><span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif"></span><br /></span>
<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">But I have learned a lot in the last year: about myself, friends, family, what is important, what is NOT important...the list goes on. </span><br />
<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif"><span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif"></span><br /></span>
<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">What I want to say most importantly today is that I have learned that life's too short my friends. It really is. And you should be LIVING it...to the fullest...everyday. Always. </span><br />
<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif"><span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif"></span><br /></span>
<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">Be happy. </span><br />
<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif"><span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif"></span><br /></span>
<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">Say I love you. </span><br />
<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif"><span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif"></span><br /></span>
<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">Be thankful. </span><br />
<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif"><span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif"></span><br /></span>
<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">Don't take anything for granted. </span><br />
<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif"><span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif"></span><br /></span>
<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">Do what you love. </span><br />
<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif"><span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif"></span><br /></span>
<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">Don't wait for "someday." </span><br />
<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif"><span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif"></span><br /></span>
<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">Oh, and eat dessert first.</span><br />
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<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif"><i>Edited in 2015 to add:</i></span><br />
<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">Go because you can.</span><br />
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<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">Because why not?!</span><br />
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<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">WEAR SUNSCREEN!</span><br />
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<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif"><i>Edited in 2019 to add:</i></span><br />
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<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">Get all the tattoos.</span><br />
<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif"><br /></span>
<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">Watch all the sunsets.</span><br />
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<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">"Don't be afraid of death; be afraid of an unlived life. You don't have to life forever, you just have to live." --Natalie Babbitt, Tuck Everlasting</span><br />
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<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif"><br /></span>BrownEyedGirl626http://www.blogger.com/profile/01903622442653169162noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4827150651782646713.post-8752645189854225712015-10-09T01:51:00.002-07:002015-10-09T02:18:50.809-07:00Cancer-versary III<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Today marks my three year Cancerversary. On this day, I try to make it a point to pause and reflect on how my life has changed. And celebrate my diagnosis as a turning point to living the dream. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I know that I haven't been blogging much. When I sat down to write this, I scrolled through my "draft" posts and noticed that I had many things I intended to say this year...but just never got around to hitting "publish." I know that I really should go back and finish all of them, since this is mostly a way for me to remember everything that I've been through. Lord knows I won't really remember anything on my own (thanks, chemo brain! You are the gift that keeps on giving).</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So, I thought I would give you a brief update on where I am at...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">In the "life is too short" category, I accepted a new job at a school...drum roll please...in Hawaii. And moved on a moment's notice. All by myself, since no one else in the family could up and leave with two days prep. (But never fear, they will be following me this year). It's been interesting to be the family trailblazer. There are so many posts I could write about this experience. Maybe that'll be my new blog. But I will say that one of the things that I'm discovering is that having to find a new oncologist/cancer center (for follow-ups/labs/scans) was something I didn't give nearly enough consideration to. I'm already not the biggest fan of health care here. Again, a post for another day.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Oh, there was that skin cancer that was found (on my face) in May and surgery that was needed to remove it. 27 stitches later or something crazy like that. YIKES! See what I mean about all these updates I never posted? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Teenage boy graduated on time in June. Which I'm monumentally proud of. Depression is a constant struggle, but he's made it through this major milestone.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Teenage daughter is enjoying her last year of middle school. She made Relay for Life her birthday party. It was an incredible experience, for all of us. We plan on making that happen each year! She looks forward to moving to Hawaii some days...and some days she doesn't want to go at all. She's a teenage girl, what else do you expect.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">We're selling the house that Keith built for us all those years ago when the girl child was a baby. It was the "dream house." But, then...it stopped being the dream. I haven't wanted to live there since I finished treatments. It was the house I was sick in, and I just couldn't live there any more. We decided to live small and follow our new dreams. Or rather, follow the dreams we've always had and then put on hold when "life" got in the way. We thought downsizing was going to be a process that took a year or two. Ha, ha, ha. Best laid plans and all that. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">How will I be celebrating the day? On an adventure with Keith and the teen boy, who have come this week to visit me in Hawaii. I love their zest for life and adventure...and how they force me to follow them (up to a point...I'm not quite as crazy as they are). "Geez mom, we've got this. You can do it." And I love their smiles. And how they make me laugh. As I'm typing this, teen boy and I are watching TV and laughing. At the same jokes. And making our own. Because we are so much alike. And as long as the day also includes cupcakes and shave ice, life will be perfect!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">When I read the post from my first cancerversary, I realize that I will just keep posting that every year, because I still mean all of those words, and everyone still asks what it was like to get THAT phone call. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I'm not sure that there is anything I would add to the "advice" at the end of the post. Except maybe "Wear Sunscreen." I still believe it all. If you aren't doing something that you love, with the people that you love, in a place that you love, WHY THE HELL NOT?! You should be happy! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">There is something to celebrate about every day...find it.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Forget the bucket list. Do the things that you've been meaning to do now! Start checking them off. Nike was on to something with their "Just Do It" slogan. I follow @MonsterandSea on Instagram (who's family has also been affected by cancer), and the motto is #gobecauseyoucan. I know that they intend that to apply to stand up paddleboarding, but it really applies to life. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Seriously. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">#GOBECAUSEYOUCAN! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">And to that I add my own: #BECAUSEWHYNOT</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">And now, as promised, my post from 10/9/13: </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">One year ago today I was sitting at my desk after school when my cell phone rang. It was my husband, telling me the doctor had called the house looking for me but wouldn't leave a message. (I didn't tell him at that moment, but that was actually the point that I knew it was bad news. When the doctor is trying to track you down IMMEDIATELY, it's really not a good thing). What felt like 5 seconds later, the surgeon was calling me with the news: cancer. And everything else she said after that word was, "blah, blah, blah...cancer...blah, blah, blah, surgery...blah, blah, blah." Seriously, it really was like the Charlie Brown teacher talking. You DO NOT hear anything after the "C" word.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I hung up the phone, sat at my desk for a moment, and then went home. Where I spent maybe 10 minutes trying to decide if I was going to tell Keith before or after he got into his GIANT truck and drove to referee a high school soccer game. I should've been nicer, but misery loves company, so I told him. And that was the beginning of our crazy cancer journey. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I am still dealing with it every day and really not in the frame of mind to wax poetic about my thoughts.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">But I have learned a lot in the last year: about myself, friends, family, what is important, what is NOT important...the list goes on. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">What I want to say most importantly today is that I have learned that life's too short my friends. It really is. And you should be LIVING it...to the fullest...everyday. Always. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Be happy. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Say I love you. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Be thankful. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Don't take anything for granted. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Do what you love. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Don't wait for "someday." </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Oh, and eat dessert first.</span>BrownEyedGirl626http://www.blogger.com/profile/01903622442653169162noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4827150651782646713.post-43350232391294091022015-05-12T10:50:00.001-07:002015-05-12T13:22:31.511-07:00In Which I Try Not To Get Angry<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">This news post filled my Facebook feed yesterday. <a href="http://www.nydailynews.com/news/crime/atlanta-tsa-agent-faked-cancer-280-paid-sick-days-article-1.2203259" target="_blank">(Click here).</a></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">And made me ANGRY!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Some complete jackass scams his co-workers out of their sick leave by faking cancer.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Okay, there are stories all the time about people who fake cancer. For the attention, the sympathy, the money, I'm not sure what their mental issue is (and clearly they have many), but it always gets me riled up. Even the gal that's been stealing my blog posts and passing them off as her own is apparently faking having cancer and using my words to tell people how "she's" feeling.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Seriously folks, if you want attention, you can have my cancer. Feel free...even for a day. I dare you. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">But this story touched a nerve. And made me especially angry. Because I don't know where I'd be without a shared sick leave option.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I was SO blessed to have amazing coworkers who donated sick leave so that I could stay home throughout treatments, concentrate on getting healthy, and not have to worry about getting a paycheck or losing my insurance. These amazing people made it possible for me to stay home for the equivalent of one entire school year (split up over two years). One of these amazing people simply told me, "however much you need, it's yours. Don't even hesitate to ask." I cry every time I think of the generosity of this man, and all those that were so willing to donate sick leave to me. Large amounts or small, it didn't even matter (in fact, the district would never tell me who donated what, so they were really doing it simply out of the goodness of their heart, not to get recognition).</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Because, when you get sick, there's a lot of people that want to help but they don't really know what to do. And if they have sick leave they can donate, it feels like a tangible, concrete action that they can make...to show support, to contribute to the cause, to relieve even a small amount of stress. It's no small thing that they do. I mean, what if, god forbid, they get sick and need that leave some day? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I will never be able to repay these people for the gift that they gave me. I strongly believe that being able to stay home and not stress about rushing back to work contributed to the success of my recovery. I could never say "thank you" enough for what they did.<br /></span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">And then you have this jackass who takes advantage of people who are so willing to help. GRRRR! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I sure hope you get what's coming to you dude. You suck.</span>BrownEyedGirl626http://www.blogger.com/profile/01903622442653169162noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4827150651782646713.post-17840424776547244442015-01-15T10:49:00.000-08:002015-05-12T12:56:16.128-07:00Dem Bones<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Today I got the first infusion to counterbalance the osteoporosis caused by Anastrozole. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">There was the option to get a one hour infusion or a quick shot. It shouldn't be surprising to anyone to learn that the costs associated with each option were VASTLY different. And that it took WEEKS of conversations with various people to get them to tell me which one would be cheaper for ME on the bottom line. No one seemed to get why knowing these details would drive my decision. Turns out the shot was going to cost me about $4,000 each time, while the infusion was going to be $1,700ish. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Infusion it is!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The bonus? I got to spend the day in my favorite infusion center, chatting with my favorite nurses and "favorite pharmacy gal." It was like Old Home Week.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The downside? This infusion SUCKS. And it makes me feel like I'm having chemo all over again.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Now that I know this information, I will schedule this infusion better next time...so that I don't have to go back to work the next day. And so that I don't ruin my weekend.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">48 hours from start to finish of feeling crappy and then it's gone. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Good to know.</span>BrownEyedGirl626http://www.blogger.com/profile/01903622442653169162noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4827150651782646713.post-45253255673405779072014-10-09T08:18:00.002-07:002015-10-09T02:02:18.645-07:00Cancer-versary II<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Today marks my two year Cancerversary. Hey, regardless of what you think about Lance Armstrong, I am still a fan. And it's his outlook about celebrating the day he was diagnosed with cancer as a turning point in his life that resonates just a little with me.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I haven't been blogging much this summer and I apologize for that. It's not that I haven't had anything to say. To tell the truth, I discovered that someone (or maybe more than one someone) is out there passing off my posts as her own story. And it made me angry. And I wanted to take down the blog and not give her the ability to steal anymore of my posts. But just yesterday alone, this blog got 176 hits so it is still doing some good and I am glad that I decided not to take it down. But I've been in radio silence mode. (And yes, I know that I should deal with her, but I just haven't had the time or energy to...it's on my "to do list," honest!).</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So, I thought I would give you a brief update on where I am at...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I completed the Iron Girl triathlon this summer!!! Thanks to the help and encouragement and talking me down from the ledge of two very dear friends. This is the post I am most sad not to have written this summer. I promise that I will write all the details about how much FUN it was. And I cried just a little when I finished it and I could hear the announcer/DJ guy say, "Shauna Yusko, you're about to finish your first Iron Girl triathlon. And you're a cancer survivor. WAY TO GO!" I get a little teary now just typing this.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I started a new job. Which I adore. In a school that feels calm and happy. Several people out there know what I'm talking about even if it is a little hard to explain. I desperately miss my Evergreen peeps because I thought that I would be there forever. But the energy of the building was just all wrong for me now. And this new school is great! And I get to work part-time. And it just feels like the right place to be.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Teenage boy is on track to graduate this June, even after his attempts to derail his life. We are turning into the month where it historically all goes wrong for him, so fingers crossed we get out the other side in one piece. I'm not sure if it's the weather, the subconscious memories of the diagnosis, or what makes him start to spiral in October and not come back out until February, but we are really praying this year will be different. And that we finally have a handle on the beast that is depression.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I found my post from last year's cancervesary and thought I would just copy it here, because I still mean all of those words, and everyone still asks what it was like to get THAT phone call. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I'm not sure that there is anything I would add to the "advice" at the end of the post. I still believe it all. If you aren't doing something that you love, with the people that you love, in a place that you love, WHY THE HELL NOT?! You should be happy! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">There is something to celebrate about every day...find it.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Forget the bucket list. Do the things that you've been meaning to do now! Start checking them off. I read a life-affirming book this summer called "Blind Spot for Boys" (by the amazing Justina Chen). And while it's a book for teens and the teenage narrator is the main character, it is her parents' journey dealing with illness, and another adult character's overcoming adversity to live her dream that really resonated with me. In it, the parents had created a "50 Before 50" list of things that they wanted to do before turning 50. But they never did because of...life...jobs...kids...everything that gets in the way. And then the dad gets sick and they will never have the time to do those 50 things. So they pick the one big one and go for it. I do not want to be that person with all those things left to do on my list. I'm gonna go for it! And I started this summer with the triathlon. What's on your list? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">As promised, last year's post from this date: </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">One year ago today I was sitting at my desk after school when my cell phone rang. It was my husband, telling me the doctor had called the house looking for me but wouldn't leave a message. (I didn't tell him at that moment, but that was actually the point that I knew it was bad news. When the doctor is trying to track you down IMMEDIATELY, it's really not a good thing). What felt like 5 seconds later, the surgeon was calling me with the news: cancer. And everything else she said after that word was, "blah, blah, blah...cancer...blah, blah, blah, surgery...blah, blah, blah." Seriously, it really was like the Charlie Brown teacher talking. You DO NOT hear anything after the "C" word.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I hung up the phone, sat at my desk for a moment, and then went home. Where I spent maybe 10 minutes trying to decide if I was going to tell Keith before or after he got into his GIANT truck and drove to referee a high school soccer game. I should've been nicer, but misery loves company, so I told him. And that was the beginning of our crazy cancer journey. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I am still dealing with it every day and really not in the frame of mind to wax poetic about my thoughts.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">But I have learned a lot in the last year: about myself, friends, family, what is important, what is NOT important...the list goes on. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">What I want to say most importantly today is that I have learned that life's too short my friends. It really is. And you should be LIVING it...to the fullest...everyday. Always. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Be happy. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Say I love you. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Be thankful. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Don't take anything for granted. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Do what you love. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Don't wait for "someday." </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Oh, and eat dessert first.</span>BrownEyedGirl626http://www.blogger.com/profile/01903622442653169162noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4827150651782646713.post-71511122054396878422014-09-25T10:48:00.000-07:002015-05-12T12:39:01.746-07:00Bone Scan Aftermath<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">While I was training for the Iron Girl, I noticed that my knees really hurt while I was running (or rather, attempting to run). And some runner friends suggested that it was my shoes, or my lack of training, but none of those felt like the real answer. As it turned out, I ended up walking the run portion of the triathlon, and I survived.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">But I was having some major pain and couldn't really figure out why.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">At the end of August, I went to the next of my "every 4 month" appointments and mentioned this joint pain (and other symptoms) to my oncologist. Who kinda laughed while saying, "well, duh." Because all of the symptoms that I'm sitting in her office complaining about are all listed side effects of Anastrozole, which is the med that I'm taking every day instead of Tamoxifen. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">(For those that haven't heard me tell the story, Tamoxifen was making me insane. Actually, certifiably insane. Wanting to run people over with my car and I'd get away with it insane. I stopped taking it cold turkey after six months and DEMANDED she give me something else. Hence, how I ended up on Anastrozole).</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Now, I am so far into this process that I don't actually look up most things online, especially side effects of medicines that I'm supposed to take. Tamoxifen was making me crazy and Anastrozole didn't. Enough said. I could live with almost anything else. But once she had said this I did go home and look up all the side effects. WOW, what a list. And YES, this is pretty much how I feel. Super.<br /></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Serious side effects:</span></span></div>
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<ul>
<li><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">sudden numbness or weakness, especially on one side of the body;</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">sudden severe headache, confusion, problems with vision, speech, or balance;</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">a bone fracture;</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">swollen glands;</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">feeling short of breath;</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">nausea, upper stomach pain, itching, loss of appetite, dark urine, clay-colored stools, jaundice (yellowing of the skin or eyes);</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">swelling in your hands or feet; or</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">severe skin reaction -- fever, sore throat, swelling in your face or tongue, burning in your eyes, skin pain, followed by a red or purple skin rash that spreads (especially in the face or upper body) and causes blistering and peeling.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Less serious side effects may include:</span></span></li>
</ul>
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<span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Less serious side effects:</span></span></div>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">numbness, tingling, cold feeling, or weakness in your hand or wrist;</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">problems with your fingers while gripping;</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">hot flashes;</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">joint pain or stiffness;</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">depression, mood changes, sleep problems (insomnia);</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">cough, sore throat;</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">thinning hair;</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">mild nausea, vomiting; or</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">back pain, bone pain.</span></span></li>
</ul>
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<span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Again, super.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So, the doctor decides that I need a bone scan because of the risk of osteoporosis in patients on Anastrozole. Can I just say, EASIEST scan EVER. Why can't everything be like that?!</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">And, I just received the results of the scan. Which probably should not have surprised me. Because it's bad. OSTEOPOROSIS...to such a degree that calcium and vitamin D are "not going to make a dent." So now I get to have a twice a year infusion of some drug that will hopefully counteract the bone loss. Yippee, more infusions. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">And I will start these in January because they are, of course, EXPENSIVE. And I'd like to at least get one of them covered by insurance per year. Good times, indeed.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Cancer...the gift that keeps on giving...</span></span></div>
BrownEyedGirl626http://www.blogger.com/profile/01903622442653169162noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4827150651782646713.post-64830332827586746322014-08-25T07:48:00.000-07:002015-05-12T12:03:47.830-07:00Iron Girl 2014<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">(Why yes, I'm back...and trying to catch up with my posts via backdating. So, while it is actually May, 2015, I'm pretending that I wrote this after it actually happened. Just to keep the timeline intact).</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Throughout this process I had a few "goals" of things that I wanted to do when I was FINISHED with all the doctors and hospitals and scans and treatments. Events that were marked on the calendar, which I would get a little closer to each day. One of those things was the Iron Girl sprint triathlon. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I admittedly registered only a few months after my last active treatment/surgery, with the "no worries, I'll get in shape for it later" mentality. And it's possible that I suckered some friends into joining me.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So, if you ever want the Procrastinator's Guide to Sprint Triathlon Training, I'm your gal! Because 3 weeks before the event, I was seriously wondering if I was going to be able to pull this off. I had quickly determined that I would be walking the "run" portion as my knees just were not up to the task. But...I also have a pathological fear of the water...and cannot actually swim. Hmmm, how in the world did I think I was going to pull off an open-water swim, even if it was only 1/4 of a mile. (Or maybe it was 1/3 of a mile. I forget at this point...any distance at all was pretty frightening).</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Well, long story short, I completed the Iron Girl triathlon!!! And I'll not post here how I managed to actually stay afloat since it miiiiiight have been a rule violation. Shhhh, it's our secret.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">But I owe an immense THANK YOU to my friends who jumped into the ring with me. And talked me down from the ledge when I had not one, but two, panic attacks during the swim. In the end I can say that it was FUN! And I completed it with very little training, so I promise you that you can too! I cried just a little when I crossed the finish line could hear the announcer/DJ guy say, "Shauna Yusko, you're about to finish your first Iron Girl triathlon. And you're a cancer survivor. WAY TO GO!" I get a little teary now just typing this. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7bOYGfpf8oYQ2W8XLxbsj-1F6Cdskd89m-8edwHYKByskyuaHPw3iubnMO9rnHS6yyP3CJ0cacEqAHqp8fa6DryA2GZ-EKxlJKswkw4EUypyz-3c63gzPEY0HaDmBniT2-_TWQ06KXBEz/s1600/IronGirlTraining.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7bOYGfpf8oYQ2W8XLxbsj-1F6Cdskd89m-8edwHYKByskyuaHPw3iubnMO9rnHS6yyP3CJ0cacEqAHqp8fa6DryA2GZ-EKxlJKswkw4EUypyz-3c63gzPEY0HaDmBniT2-_TWQ06KXBEz/s320/IronGirlTraining.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Training bike ride to see if we could do the 12 mile distance without dying. Now, we picked the hottest day of the year I think to attempt it, but we survived. This picture, however, was taken before we started...you wouldn't have wanted to see the "after" photo.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It's getting real! Race bib pick up!</span></div>
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<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYVnOKFQTm47DXmLK1g88pp6xELXdv36snbNiSgG3auTTSFqIv-v-mUCXzMCWHNE6j8ThfXmlR6HBGgMCDTyjn5ebQM01sk2DtyUFgjHFZemHyu7RiWYRr7Y0scOqyQC1O8egKX8V3XFfX/s1600/IronGirlBib.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYVnOKFQTm47DXmLK1g88pp6xELXdv36snbNiSgG3auTTSFqIv-v-mUCXzMCWHNE6j8ThfXmlR6HBGgMCDTyjn5ebQM01sk2DtyUFgjHFZemHyu7RiWYRr7Y0scOqyQC1O8egKX8V3XFfX/s320/IronGirlBib.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">YAY! We finished! Here's to friends who come back to the finish line to watch you cross!</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeFidF2YH_8_RGTwL5pkOaiDmve7ukr39uCDIOM3G-sz3iQfHHmGgC-AK5HwRDZxfwyFX0Wq8QaXTWGp7__2FQmQzcFC46sPEFpuuBx-RfJaPmkplJxgid535CnpiLuuK4gAP374gHuu6c/s1600/IronGirl.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeFidF2YH_8_RGTwL5pkOaiDmve7ukr39uCDIOM3G-sz3iQfHHmGgC-AK5HwRDZxfwyFX0Wq8QaXTWGp7__2FQmQzcFC46sPEFpuuBx-RfJaPmkplJxgid535CnpiLuuK4gAP374gHuu6c/s320/IronGirl.jpg" width="272" /></a><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>BrownEyedGirl626http://www.blogger.com/profile/01903622442653169162noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4827150651782646713.post-11421145024872184162014-06-11T20:09:00.000-07:002014-07-22T11:25:20.157-07:00Relay for Life!<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">This past weekend I participated in Relay For Life by leading Team Stupid Cancer.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">IT WAS AN INCREDIBLE EXPERIENCE!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I had never done a RFL event before so I had no idea what to expect. And it's possible that I wasn't the world's best team captain. But I am so grateful for the friends and family that joined the team. And everyone that stopped by to say "Hello" during the event.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br />
This post would be incredibly long if I wrote about everything, but I just want to include the highlights:</span><br />
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Girl child and some of her friends joined the team! </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWemBkeoCtewCTnJL3iJ8sybRoGDLWqW5U4mtNYIoipJqdasYFxQqTqg2rnjCflKWkfloQg6fRWRDsqU5XHqwUv9xEi8Rbo7HJJ-8L1HpBeR7kKicAev4R2qKxVkC38wavXJNXSYnHgqSo/s1600/Relay+Girls.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWemBkeoCtewCTnJL3iJ8sybRoGDLWqW5U4mtNYIoipJqdasYFxQqTqg2rnjCflKWkfloQg6fRWRDsqU5XHqwUv9xEi8Rbo7HJJ-8L1HpBeR7kKicAev4R2qKxVkC38wavXJNXSYnHgqSo/s1600/Relay+Girls.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></span></a></div>
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Teen boy came to visit and walk some laps with his mom. And he didn't die.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpdGgaVuRqeo7O3jpGYpqzvMT-BAI0EANtU7CxqEmlOA8f41xoqDDIkBp_8oqIgGBWdXqaKqgXn3MeoJ_MAAMerMJN2I3zuiP3Bx4iZkjyKNn35VqR05PIIj-6kAaKxzMNgMQvR9r-AA3e/s1600/Relay+Alex.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpdGgaVuRqeo7O3jpGYpqzvMT-BAI0EANtU7CxqEmlOA8f41xoqDDIkBp_8oqIgGBWdXqaKqgXn3MeoJ_MAAMerMJN2I3zuiP3Bx4iZkjyKNn35VqR05PIIj-6kAaKxzMNgMQvR9r-AA3e/s1600/Relay+Alex.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></span></a></div>
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Team Stupid Cancer was AWESOME! We raised over $3,500!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br />
Yeah to Lynn who stayed the entire time with me!</span><br />
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Yeah to Shay who came at 3AM and walked through the early morning hours!</span><br />
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Awesome friends who came and walked an hour here and there, or stayed for awhile and put in MANY laps. Next year, we will track our laps walked better.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgz_MIDeddcU12s6cVdp9qMKmJsPWNDcFgVMb5HsPd8wTFuZHE2xsbp5IGTX9uq4GeUv3UkaGkCXB3M1DP8OlMHy-J8pycBU4KxQ4rFjv__8ET7GV2dTqRIKxBWneIjUX3daun2OcR87sRN/s1600/Relay+Group.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgz_MIDeddcU12s6cVdp9qMKmJsPWNDcFgVMb5HsPd8wTFuZHE2xsbp5IGTX9uq4GeUv3UkaGkCXB3M1DP8OlMHy-J8pycBU4KxQ4rFjv__8ET7GV2dTqRIKxBWneIjUX3daun2OcR87sRN/s1600/Relay+Group.jpg" height="176" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The luminaria ceremony was incredible! I wish I'd known just how moving it would be. I would've made sure that my whole team was there to experience it. And my friend Senator Andy Hill was the guest speaker for the ceremony so it felt even more special to me.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">There was entertainment throughout the event, including a beauty pageant...where the guys did their best imitation of beauty queens. One of the teens I've known since he was very young participated in the event. It was so much fun to watch!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I felt loved all weekend because friends who were not participating kept stopping by to do a lap to two (or more), bring beverages and snacks, and just say hi and cheer us on. THANK YOU!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">My survivor friends were out in force!!! Hooray to all of us! Keep up the fight!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Feeling like you missed out? Oh, you did. But not to worry. I will definitely be doing this again, and my goal is to have a HUGE team next year. You can join us!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Thank you to all of you that donated to the cause!</span>BrownEyedGirl626http://www.blogger.com/profile/01903622442653169162noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4827150651782646713.post-38494023669825549762014-06-07T10:11:00.000-07:002014-07-22T11:25:08.887-07:00TFIOS<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Yesterday, I went to see The Fault in our Stars (TFIOS) movie with a friend. The date had been circled on my calendar ever since the movie release date was announced. I am a HUGE fan of John Green (the author of the book which the movie is based on)...like HUUUUUUGE! As in, I actually have a crush on John Green. I love all his books and read TFIOS long before I was diagnosed with cancer. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">But after my diagnosis, I realized that TFIOS really resonated with me as being honest and real. And so, I forced everyone I knew to read it also. Not because it's a "cancer book" but because it's a story that you can get wrapped up in and relate to, that happens to portray being sick in a pretty accurate light.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I could talk ad nauseum about the book, but I wanted to share my thoughts on the movie watching experience. EVERYONE that went to see it was posting on Facebook about how they CRIED AND CRIED and how sad it was and to bring your Kleenex. And because I am an emotional disaster anyway, I was prepared for a variety of reactions.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">But here's the thing that's interesting to me. I didn't cry. I'm not even sure that I teared up. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Now, don't get me wrong, when I first read the book years ago, I bawled. Because there's just so much to be happy and sad about in that book and when you reach the end, you've become so invested emotionally that there really is no other option.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">But I didn't cry during the movie. And while that seems weird to me, it also kinda makes sense. Because I've lived that story now. And I've cried so many tears for myself during the two years I've been fighting and all the treatments that I went through, I guess there's just not a whole lot left.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">And while I was scared that I might have a PTSD panic attack seeing the movie visualized, it didn't happen. I was just glad to BE THERE! And watch one of my all-time favorite books become immortalized on film in an incredible way.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Did I mention I love John Green?</span></div>
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BrownEyedGirl626http://www.blogger.com/profile/01903622442653169162noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4827150651782646713.post-34532612029946516822014-05-30T20:04:00.000-07:002014-06-14T20:05:36.201-07:00MRI<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I promised you that I'd keep you posted when the MRI results came in...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Last Friday, I had my MRI (a Friday before a Holiday weekend...good job planning that. Haven't I learned not to do that???). Then I went out of town to present seminars to librarians on the East Coast. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Back at school on Thursday and Friday of this week, and it dawns on me that I haven't received any phone call with the results yet. Uh oh, is that a good sign or a bad sign? With my luck, you just never know!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Well, the call just came in and the results are...CLEAR! Holy crap! Good news on a Friday? What the heck am I going to do with myself?!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So, everything "looks good" and I've been deemed "good to go" until August (when the next round of scans and blood work are due).</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I'll take it! Now time to enjoy the weekend...and the summer ahead!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Relay for Life next weekend! I'm very excited!</span>BrownEyedGirl626http://www.blogger.com/profile/01903622442653169162noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4827150651782646713.post-64554375787530303442014-05-04T19:41:00.000-07:002014-06-14T19:55:46.747-07:00Dance for a Cure<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">This weekend, I was invited to attend the annual Dance for a Cure event. This is an incredible evening of dancing, singing, stories, and speakers to raise money for cancer research. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">2014 marked the 10th anniversary of the event and I am so glad that I was there. Terrific dancing by students of all ages, as well as professional troupes, and musicians coming together to put on an amazing show.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Additionally, I learned a new term: Cancer Champion. Several Cancer Champions (survivors) were recognized during the evening. I've decided that I really like this term and might start adopting it. We are champions indeed!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The highlight of the evening for me was the keynote speaker, Dr. Jim Olson of Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center. He is leading the charge and making great breakthroughs in RESEARCH to CURE, not just treat. AMEN! This is exactly what we need more of. I was so glad that 75% of the $$$ raised from this event go directly to Dr. Olson and his research. (The remaining 25% goes to the Pete Gross House).</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Seriously folks, look him up, see the amazing things that he's doing. Or find another center doing legitimate research looking for a cure and donate. The "Fund-an-Item" at this event went directly to Dr. Olson's lab. Keith couldn't get the cash out of his pocket fast enough. The discoveries being made will hopefully help someone else not have to go through ALL the surgeries I had to. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">This is an annual event. PLEASE put it on your calendar for next year! Here's the link to their <a href="http://www.danceforacure.org/" target="_blank">website </a>so that you can learn the story of the incredible sisters that started this event (and why), and keep updated for the 2015 gala.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>BrownEyedGirl626http://www.blogger.com/profile/01903622442653169162noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4827150651782646713.post-56982808147789629012014-04-29T06:00:00.000-07:002014-04-29T06:00:08.843-07:00The Results are In!<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It dawned on me today, after being questioned by numerous people at work, that unless you happened to see the post on Facebook over the weekend, you probably didn't know the results of my latest scans and appointments. Whoops! I forgot to post the news here! </span><div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It's been kind of a whirlwind weekend (more on that later), but I wanted to get the word out to all of you that were wondering.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It was a "good news" kind of appointment. Kind of weird actually, because I don't normally have those, but I'm really looking forward to many more of them!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">1. Blood work and scans all look good! Well, for the most part. I still need an MRI to confirm these results because several areas not seen by mammogram. (The MRI is not for several weeks though, so stay tuned).<br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">2. Prescription for new meds in hand. These meds still might make me crazy, but at least I'll have a baseline and can compare which med made me the least crazy.<br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">3. Dr. has heard the story of my HORRIBLE experience at the Seattle office through the grapevine and has decided to complain on my behalf in hopes of instituting change for others.<br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">4. Dr. also feels that billing department hasn't been nice to us, and has decided to champion that cause on my behalf also.<br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">5. Reasons why I LOVE my doctors confirmed!<br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">6. We ended the afternoon at a friend's house where we brought lunch in exchange for seeing her twin babies. It was a good day all around!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Doctor did bring up some interesting points, which I am pondering, and may write more about in an upcoming post.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Was the Tamoxifen really making me crazy, or was it that taking it every day was a constant reminder of having cancer? Well, I grant her there might be some credibility to that argument, but I vote CRAZY. Ask anyone, especially anyone forced to live or work with me. CRAZY! And whatever the reason, since I stopped taking it, I'm starting to feel slightly more sane. Will fill the prescription this for the new drug she prescribed and start taking it soon to see if there's a difference. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">She's also concerned that my dire need to not live in my house anymore isn't going to make me better. She called it "bringing your muddy shoes to a new house." Dealing with my issues will make me feel better than moving to a new house. Or at least, that's what she thinks. And to this, I respectfully disagree...until proven otherwise. New house, new car, new life...all of it is about celebrating being alive. Embracing the things that are actually important. Simplifying. Enjoying. Finding a new place in the world where I'm not reminded of being sick. Life's too short...time to start living the dream.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So, that's my news for now. Thank you for all your prayers, support, messages of love...</span></div>
BrownEyedGirl626http://www.blogger.com/profile/01903622442653169162noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4827150651782646713.post-59737384224773714852014-04-28T09:52:00.000-07:002014-04-28T21:52:18.004-07:00Music Monday<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Here's something to get you moving on this Monday...</span><br />
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<br />BrownEyedGirl626http://www.blogger.com/profile/01903622442653169162noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4827150651782646713.post-82770145758807474522014-04-21T02:00:00.000-07:002014-04-21T02:00:04.965-07:00Music Monday<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Here's today's musical inspiration for you:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>BrownEyedGirl626http://www.blogger.com/profile/01903622442653169162noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4827150651782646713.post-1664627908155342362014-04-17T03:00:00.000-07:002014-04-17T15:24:07.836-07:00Scan-ticipation is Making Me Wait...<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It's that time...the first (of many over the course of the next five years) series of scans/bloodwork/doctor's appointments is coming up.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It has been four months since my last set of scans and appointments, so now it's time for another round. This batch, however, will be the first after an extended period of time without treatment. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I wish I could say that I was clever enough to have come up with "scan-ticipation," but I stole it from one of my cancer peeps. We also use the term "scanxiety." It's a scary thing to always be wondering what the next scan might reveal. And to have to continue to subject yourself to them for YEARS before you can actually get a clean bill of health.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So, while you think positive thoughts and hope for the best, in the back of your mind (or maybe closer to the front) you are always thinking, "what if....???"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">In this day and age, I don't really understand why there can't be a test or scan or something I can do that would give the "all clear/thumbs up/no worries." Seriously, so maybe curing cancer is outside the realm of possibility (though I don't understand what's taking so long for that either), but there's got to be some sort of cool machine that I can walk through every morning that tells me, "yes! You're healthy! No more cancer!" You know, kind of like the machine at the airport. You mean to tell me we can't utilize the concept for a better purpose?!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Anyway, these are just rants designed to distract me from how anxious I'm feeling.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">If you're reading this post, send out good vibes, positive thoughts, and all kinds of prayers tomorrow. I won't know anything unfortunately until next week when I meet with the doctor, so don't expect immediate news. Bummer.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Fingers crossed...</span>BrownEyedGirl626http://www.blogger.com/profile/01903622442653169162noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4827150651782646713.post-32754253797628777412014-04-14T01:30:00.000-07:002014-04-15T22:43:35.421-07:00Music Monday<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Have recently fallen in love with this song...</span><div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Especially the line..."you're crazy and I'm out of my mind..."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Yep, that about sums it up!</span></div>
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BrownEyedGirl626http://www.blogger.com/profile/01903622442653169162noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4827150651782646713.post-67893223484636195702014-04-06T09:23:00.000-07:002014-04-06T09:23:00.145-07:00To my darling daughter...<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I know that she doesn't read this blog, but someday I hope that she finds this letter.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Dear AJ,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It has been a tough couple of years in our house, and I'm sorry that you had to go through it. I wanted to say that I'm so immensely proud of how you survived it better than any of us.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I'm sorry that I missed so many of your activities, and that my being sick meant dad couldn't be there either for the field trips, camps, and all the fun that 5th grade and the beginning of middle school had to offer. I hope you know how lucky you are that you have some AMAZING friends and their families who scooped you up, took you in, and made sure that you could do all the things you wanted to these last couple of years. You might not realize it now, but these people took such good care of you. I will never be able to thank them enough for making it so your life could be as normal as possible.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I'm sorry that I am tired...and grumpy...and seem like a crazy person sometimes. I'm trying my best, but it's hard.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I'm sorry that I'm not the same mom I was before cancer. And I'm sorry that things change. But, maybe that's a good thing too.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Thank you for being you. For desperately wanting to take care of me. And for always trying to help. It must be so hard to be the youngest in the family and have everyone tell you, "don't worry about it," when I'm sure that you were worried. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Thank you for sock monkey. Who saved the day more than once. Really and truly...I believe!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Thank you for your kind heart that always wants to solve all the world's problems with cupcakes. I actually think that if given a big enough kitchen, and enough time, you probably could solve many world crises through cupcakes. Baking for all my caregivers was such an amazing gift that you gave people. Don't ever lose that spirit. World domination with baked goods cannot be a bad thing.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Thank you for being worried about everyone in the family, not just me. Yes, it was hard to live with a big brother who was not having his finest moments either, and I'm sure there were times you thought your family was coming apart. Honey, I promise you, I thought the same thing. But we are all hoping for better times ahead.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Thank you for being the child that is ready for change...and is excited for new adventures and experiences. I love that you are the one person in the family that I can make plans about what our life will be like in the next couple of years. I know your mom's crazy ideas for getting rid of everything and going on a life-changing adventure are the most disruptive to you. But I appreciate that you're up for something new and willing to come along for the ride.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">You and I are going to write that book someday, and you are going to help so many kids in the same situation. I hope that someday you are able to look back on this time in our lives and realize just how strong you are...and how caring...and how much you make a difference. And what a survivor you are too.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Don't forget:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Always be happy. Always.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Nothing is more important than love.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Live your dreams. And dream big.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Have fun. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Enjoy life. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I love you. Always.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Love,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Mom</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>BrownEyedGirl626http://www.blogger.com/profile/01903622442653169162noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4827150651782646713.post-76278479195849225892014-04-04T09:30:00.000-07:002014-04-04T09:37:25.542-07:00Relay for Life<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I'm really and truly doing this, folks. And it's getting closer and closer. So, if you've ever thought about joining, NOW is the time!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Here's the link to join <a href="http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/RelayForLife/RFLCY14GW?team_id=1560341&pg=team&fr_id=58826" target="_blank">my team</a>. Contact me with any questions that you have.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Fundraising is minimal...they ask that you raise $100 or more, but not a requirement. The registration fee is only $10.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Yes, it is an overnight event. But you don't have to be there the entire time. Or even walking the entire time. The goal is for every team to have someone (or more than one person) on the track every hour of the event. But the entire team doesn't have to be out there at once.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Yes, some of the teams are going to be wild and crazy and probably have costumes and who knows what else. I don't actually see us being that, but you are more than welcome to help us find our slightly crazy side.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It's supposed to be a fun event, that brings the community together, to raise funds for the American Cancer Society. Cancer survivors take the first lap, and it's a pretty cool experience. JOIN ME!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>BrownEyedGirl626http://www.blogger.com/profile/01903622442653169162noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4827150651782646713.post-2319386542702308222014-03-31T12:53:00.000-07:002014-04-01T12:53:46.404-07:00Music Monday<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I don't care if I've actually already used this song...it has been a crazy few weeks and I need a song that makes me feel happy! And that makes me want to kick ass and take names!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>BrownEyedGirl626http://www.blogger.com/profile/01903622442653169162noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4827150651782646713.post-1338503656988624962014-03-28T08:55:00.000-07:002014-04-04T08:56:50.644-07:00Friday Five<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So, I haven't been blogging for a few weeks. Mainly because life has SUCKED and I haven't been in the mood. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">TOO. MUCH. DRAMA.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Too many stupid people who just don't get it.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I'm over it all.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">But, I thought that I would offer up some insight into my week.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">1. Yes, I feel the need to create a drama-free zone, maybe make posters and signs, maybe electronic fencing to keep the stupid at bay. My job/boss/district are just not the healthiest place to be right now. But after this week I've decided that I'm just over it. I'm not getting sucked into the arguments. Time to find a solution without drama or stress.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">2. Tamoxifen is making me crazy. No really, I think it is. CRAZY. And it's probably bad that I haven't taken it in a week, right? I know, I KNOW. But I feel slightly more normal without it. And I dread the fact that I really need to start taking it again because it really is helping keep the cancer at bay. But sometimes, in my crazy brain, I do go over the pros and cons of taking it...and sometimes the cons make more sense.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">3. I had to schedule my follow-up appointments/scans/blood work this week (for April). Yikes. It's exciting to think that I haven't been into the doctor (except for physical therapy) since December. But it's also scary to wonder, "what if?" This is something that you really never get off your mind after you've been through treatments. What if...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">...the scans aren't clean?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">...something is wrong?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">...the cancer has come back?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">There's always that worry that lives in the back of your mind. And it never really goes away. And you hate talking about it because to give it a voice might make it real. It's a constant fear of the unknown.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">3a. So, in attempting to schedule these scans, I had an interesting encounter with the secretary who didn't want to make the appointment for me because I "just had a scan a few months ago, and we typically only do these scans once/year so you should be fine until November." Ummmm, NO. That's not actually how it works. Did you see the orders my doctor faxed over requesting this scan? You know, that paperwork sitting right in front of you? Did you become a cancer specialist since the last time I was in that you're giving me medical advice now? Deep. Breath.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">4. I wore my "Survivor" t-shirt this week. Even though I feel like I'm jinxing everything by doing so. Damn it, I deserve to wear it. At the very least, I survived the last year and a half of hell and I should get to wear my cool t-shirt! Stupid Cancer!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">5. I am desperate to get out of the house. No, not get out and see the world (though I'd like to do that also), actually out of this house...permanently. It actually bothers me to be living in this house where I spent so much time being sick. There are days I don't want to come home, and days I consider running away. I just want to sell it and everything in it...now. And even as much as I love our neighborhood and our amazing neighbors, I can't keep living here and stay sane. Must do something about this soon.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">There you have it...not my finest week.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Going for a much more enjoyable week next week...fingers crossed!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>BrownEyedGirl626http://www.blogger.com/profile/01903622442653169162noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4827150651782646713.post-70984400541177372482014-03-24T12:56:00.000-07:002014-04-01T12:56:49.795-07:00Music Monday<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Here's today's musical inspiration...</span></div>
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<br />BrownEyedGirl626http://www.blogger.com/profile/01903622442653169162noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4827150651782646713.post-15216124200782298922014-03-17T04:00:00.000-07:002014-03-17T04:00:02.314-07:00Music Monday<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Recommended by a friend...she's right, this is the perfect song for a Monday. And you 80s kiddos will appreciate the flashback!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>BrownEyedGirl626http://www.blogger.com/profile/01903622442653169162noreply@blogger.com0